Heartbeat for the Nations

So long....

2009-10-29T11:07:00.003-04:00

Well, the time has come for me to say, "So long!"

I'm an old married woman now, so I can't be blogging like I'm a single gal anymore, because I'm not....

But, that just means I get to learn what it means to blog like a wedded woman now :)

I won't be posting on this blog anymore, since the name no longer applies. If you're so inclined though, please feel free to check out my new blog and see what it's like for me as I become "Vanderburg!"

Hopefully A's quest to make me into a better storyteller will show through in the new blog - better stories, less rambling :) Thanks for sticking with me thus far - I appreciate you, blog buddies!

Breaking news....

2009-10-19T23:37:00.002-04:00

Just in....I got married yesterday.

Yup, I am now a Mrs. (or a MSR, as the groomsmen wrote on the truck, but whatever). The wedding was beautiful, perfect (albeit cold) and such a joyous time.

I am incredibly blessed. I pray the ceremony and reception spoke the love of Christ to those gathered there, and that it shared the Gospel in a way that God will use to speak to people. It's been an incredible blessing to be able to speak about the Lord in our wedding.

Anyways, we're off to Mexico (Meh-hi-co) in the morning! I'll be switching to a new blog, since Lauren A. Crane doesn't fly so much anymore!!

The happenings in NYC

2009-10-08T11:25:00.005-04:00

Hey readers (all 2 of you, right?)! I've been a baddie and not been updating while in NYC, but just wanted to share a few tidbits with you of what's been going on. It's been a great trip so far - really busy - but I really like the city and the people I've met. Although not "outgoing," as in they don't approach you, they're open and willing to talk and very helpful.

You may be wondering what on earth I'm doing in NYC the week before the wedding, right? I'm here with Southeastern, helping a church plant called The Gallery Church as they transition into a new space in mid-town Manhattan. Specifically, I'm writing about the trip on a live blog feed we're running, and I'll be writing articles post-trip for Outlook, as I've done for other trips.

So, anyways, here are a few images our photographer took so you can see what I've been up to!

Busy writing - or Facebooking :)

Standing in front of the Times Square Police Dept.

Checking out a map to figure out where we're going.

Yummy caramel cupcake!

Eating chicken on a stick - smells better than it tasted. Weird texture.

Doesn't this remind you of Abbey Road? Crossing to hand out granola bars/church fliers.

It's coming...

2009-09-30T22:23:00.003-04:00

I just put on my wedding dress. And my veil. And both pairs of the shoes I ordered.

I danced around our (currently empty) master bedroom to the song I will walk down the aisle to in 2 1/2 weeks.

I think the excitement is kicking in.

What a month.

2009-09-29T13:55:00.002-04:00

I just moved out of my apartment. My dear, sweet little place I have loved so dearly and have cherished as my home is now empty and not mine. I cried a lot last week, leaving behind 922-306, and I'm struggling to really feel at home in our new place (about 15 minutes down the road into Raleigh). It's crazy how a few rooms can mean so much, but they held more than just my things. They held my memories and some really hard times, and some really good times, too.

Looking forward though, means spending this week in our new apartment, which doesn't feel like our home without Adrian there. Next week = New York City for work. The following week = Maryville for a little event called my wedding. The following week = Mexico with my husband. Wow.

What a month.

I love to Swag

2009-09-22T14:49:00.004-04:00

Swagging is great fun, and as far as cost analysis goes, it goes like this: I spend nothing, and I get stuff for free. Beautiful idea.

Are you familiar with Swagbucks? If not, you should be. It's a search engine that as you search, gives you Swagbucks (swag) that you can then redeem for various things. I signed up hoping to get a $5 Amazon card here or there, but to date, I have earned $50 worth of free food from Restaurants.com.

The last gift card we got was used at the Oak Steakhouse in downtown Charleston for our last date night in SC as a not-married couple. I THOROUGHLY enjoyed my tasty veal parmesan!! YUMMY.

Anyways, what you do is enable Swagbucks to be an option for how you search the internet (instead of using Google in the top right corner, use Swagbucks). The more you search, the more likely you are to win swagbucks. Also, right now you can download their toolbar, which will give you a swag code every day to be entered on the site for swagbucks.

It's a great deal, really. You sign up for free, you search the internet (which you probably do a lot of anyways), and you earn Swagbucks. Then, trade your swagbucks in for gift cards and voila! You're a winner and get a free dinner (or books, or CDs, or a PS3...I'm just sayin'.)

It's seriously worth a look-see, and it would help MY account out if you'd register with the link below! If you're a Swagbucks user already, let me know what you do to earn lots of Swag and how you've cashed yours in!

Christ is our prize

2009-09-15T10:35:00.003-04:00

Got news today that a guy I ministered alongside in Mexico, a fellow Latino-lover, was taken off of life support after trying to end his life.

His death hit me hard this morning, as he wasn't the type of person I would have "pegged" to try and die. He loved the Lord and he loved people. He cared for others and it showed. I'm thankful to him that on that trip, when I was harassed by an airline employee, he was the one to stand up to him and tell him to knock it off.Oh, so sad to see the life of one who loved Christ ended in such a way.

However, it's because Christ loved him and he loved Jesus too that I know I will see him again in heaven. What a sadness - this suffering on earth - and what rejoicing awaits us in heaven, when we come face-to-face with our Savior. How I long for heaven - but may my lifesong be, "For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain." Just like this song by David Crowder Band, we must remember that the Lord is our prize - a deep, intimate, loving relationship with the King of the universe is what we should strive for - not growing weary of this world he has placed us in, but always striving forward for the prize of knowing and loving God.

"He is jealous for me,
Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

And we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If his grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves." - David Crowder Band

Blog silence

2009-09-08T15:51:00.002-04:00

Sorry it has been so silent on here in the last few weeks (honestly, not sure how long it has been, I haven't checked but I don't remember what I last posted.Although, I noticed I am not the only one who seems to have been silent lately in the blog-o-sphere, so I guess I'm in good company.

Life has been crazy. School is back in session and I'm auditing a few classes for "personal enrichment." Work has been busier too, which is generally nice :)

Oh yeah - wedding planning. That's the other thing on my plate. How could I leave that off? It has been a trip, and all I can say is that I love Jesus and His grace and I love that He is a perfect example of love and forgiveness, because I suck at those things on my own strength.

I'm SO unbelievably excited to be married and to begin building a life with my best friend. Seriously, I am READY to be his wife...I guess we could elope and make the next six weeks a lot easier, huh? Tempting.

Anyways, things are clicking along and I know the next few weeks will fly by. Before I know it, I'll be in NYC - Maryville - Walking down the aisle - Flying away with my husband for our honeymoon. Bliss. Cannot wait.

What a man....

2009-08-18T15:04:00.002-04:00

Two months from today, I'll be walking down an aisle, wearing white, giving thanks to God for His many blessings, and marrying my best friend.

Don't listen to me if I complain about wedding planning - I am blessed beyond belief and my complaints are nothing more than a thinly-veiled attempt at saying I am discontent in what God has given me. Shame on me. "Godliness with contentment is great gain." I want to be content, and why shouldn't I be?

I have been blessed to be given a man who is strong, sensitive, loving, funny and above all, seeks and pursues Jesus, more than he pursues me. As long as he has his priorities in that order, we'll be just fine :) He is - aside from my salvation - the greatest blessing of my life.

So, while I have SO much to be thankful for today, I just wanted to take this opportunity to boast in what my God has done - he has given me life, and he is giving it to me abundantly.

Friday with Fuzzy-Face

2009-08-17T11:37:00.002-04:00

Ben loves sticks, much to Adrian's chagrin. Friday was a great example of both Ben's love of sticks and his stubborn determination, which we wish he would use for good and not evil :) Anyways, watch and see how his wood-loving tendencies met with his determination as Benny conquered the stick/rope swing at the river. Enjoy watching mi perro loco!

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Attire

2009-08-11T08:42:00.003-04:00

I sewed my veil this weekend. It still needs to be cut and shaped, and there's a chance I'll scrap it altogether and start over, but I was excited by how easy it was start looking bridal with my veil!

Also. My dress should be in this week. I. AM. SO EXCITED.

Once I get those things done, I can figure out jewelry, hair and shoes, and who doesn't love to accessorize? As a friend once told me - Accessories are best, because no matter how much weight you gain, they still fit....

Not that I really have to worry about gaining weight and not fitting into my dress - it's not like you'll be able to tell inside the big, poufy, multiple-layered concoction that is my dress ;)

Kidding. Maybe. Yay for looking bridal!

Spiritual warfare and battling

2009-08-06T10:53:00.002-04:00

Last night at church, Chad finished up his series on the book of Daniel. We didn't get through the whole book - there's a TON in there - but he finished it by talking about spiritual warfare and the battles that take place in the heavenly realms which we know nothing of.

As I went to bed angry last night and woke up frustrated this morning, Chad's message has been playing back in bits and pieces to me and I have been challenged to think that my battles are not with people or myself, but against the forces of darkness. I am so quick to judge others and get angry with them - especially fellow believers - that I forget that our real battles are against Satan and his demons. Instead of fighting against one another, we need to pray and join in the battle that is raging far beyond this world.

Please help to remind me of this over the next several months: that I ought not be fighting against my brothers and sisters in Christ, but instead against the spiritual forces of darkness and the attacks of the devil. I feel like the attacks are coming so often lately. I guess that means he's feeling threatened? I hope that is it, and I hope I fight in a manner worthy of the Lord.

Getting Settled Back In

2009-07-30T16:25:00.002-04:00

It's been a whirlwind this week. The motto for our return trip from Thailand? "Hurry up and wait." That basically sums up my entire week.

We got home much later than anticipated on Monday after lovely Delta canceled our final flight to RDU. So, we hurried up and waited for an extra 9 hours to get home. Tuesday I took a day to recuperate from 50+ hours of traveling and clean up my apartment and get re-settled into life in the Forest. After MONTHS of being here, there, and everywhere, there is a break in the clouds until the end of August or so! Praise God.

To celebrate the break and being back, and to celebrate our 1 year anniversary, my man is coming into town. I'm anxiously awaiting 5 o'clock and the beginning of a surprise date night! Tomorrow holds engagement photos, and Saturday is Registry Day and then I have a wedding to go to. It's going to be nuts.

I had a wonderful trip. God taught me a lot, and is continuing to challenge me and my thinking on things. I hope I can continue to live purposefully for the gospel - especially in the midst of the next 3 months of wedding planning. Praise the Lord for magnificent opportunities, and praise the Lord for bringing me home safely to those I love dearly.

Last blog from the Land of Smiles

2009-07-26T04:39:00.002-04:00

Well, I'm sitting in the airport waiting on flight #2 of 4. We have a 6 hour layover or so here in Bangkok, so I have been taking this time to reflect a bit, upload some remaining photos and trying to tie up some loose ends on the blogs.

Becky and I went and met with Kavipiya from Burma/Myanmar, a monk Adrian met last year, to follow up with him and share the gospel message with him. He is at the point of knowing that it will change his life drastically if he accepts Christ, and he is counting the cost. Pray he turns to the Lord and that God grants him time to make that decision. We also went to dinner with two girls we met at the mall, Pom and Tue. They are both very sweet, and were very kind to take us out and introduce us to traditional Thai food that is (somewhat) tastier than what we had been eating the rest of the time! It was a good time, a different side of Chiang Mai, but they were fairly closed to the gospel message, it seemed. Tue is very into mysticism and Pom often seemed to not listen or be interested. Alisa (our sweet Thai friend) told us to keep sharing - sometimes people listen but do not want to seem like they are.

We also had more fun activities, in addition to getting to share the gospel several times. I went and played with tigers (I only played with the 4-5 month old ones!) yesterday. I also spent all my baht on some wonderful things at the market....and on massages. I got my last Thai massage yesterday (4 in all this trip!) and enjoyed the last bit of relaxation.

It's been a great trip, and I have been so thankful to have had this opportunity. The Lord has blessed me with a great job, and a wonderful support network of prayer and encouragement to enable me to get my job done. I've met some wonderful people with beautiful hearts - pray they come to know Jesus. I've seen a lot of darkness and lostness - pray the Lord continues to remind me of this and break my heart for His people.

Thanks for all your prayers thus far - keep them coming, please! We board a "short" flight in an hour - 7:15 am at home Sunday morning, and then board our long flight at noon (at home) on Sunday. It will be midnight my body's time as I board for 15 hours of flying. Please pray for continued safe travel and quick recuperation. Love you guys! See you soon.

How great is our God? AMAZING

2009-07-22T12:04:00.002-04:00

Do you ever have days where you feel like you're kind of wandering aimlessly and not really sure what you're supposed to be doing? I don't mean what you're supposed to be doing with your time, though that plays a part in it. I mean days that feel like you're adrift and not sure where God is leading. Today started out as one of those days.

I was feeling kind of aimless and not sure what the Lord required of me or what I was supposed to be doing as part of this trip.

As I was sitting in my hotel room this afternoon, a series of events landed me at Monk Chat again this Wednesday, this time with a small packet of pictures I had brought with me to Thailand. The grabbing of the pictures, the invitation to Monk Chat and even the fact that Becky and I both went were such God-things. Even more so, as I was sitting there asking about a monk Adrian met last year, "my monk" tonight pointed to another one sitting there and said, "That's Kavi!" I had asked about him last week and was told he lived at another temple and wouldn't be at this temple, so I had given up hope of seeing him, although I really wanted to meet him, since Adrian had me praying for him during his trip last year and since, because they e-mailed for a while. So I showed Kavi pictures of Adrian and he remembered him and asked lots of questions about him and told me he was still reading the Bible Adrian gave him. He then invited me to come to his temple tomorrow so he could give me a present. He's then going to take us to the zoo (he lives there so he can be close to nature!) and show us around. Please be in prayer for that meeting tomorrow!

God also opened the door for Becky and I to share the Gospel with two monks in clear, uncertain terms NUMEROUS times tonight, and one of them is very open to hearing about Jesus. He told us originally he didn't like Buddhism (though he's a Buddhist monk) and he didn't like Christianity. At the end of our conversation, he asked us to come back so he could ask us more questions about Jesus Christ. It was such an emotionally draining and yet incredibly uplifting 2 hours! I was on such a high afterwards.

We then went to dinner and then to get massages at a new place I hadn't been to. As we were talking and trying to become friends with our masseuses, we found out that not one, not two, but three of them were believers! The one girl had a really neat story and it was so good see how God is moving in the Thai people's hearts - regardless of my efforts or non-efforts. However, it was SO NEAT to be involved in him moving in the hearts of the monks tonight!!

All in all, it was an incredible night. After a good day with the Lord and learning things from Scripture and other believers, it was an amazing way to end the day with such a great time of sharing with the monks and then finding believers and hearing their stories. God is SO good.

Please pray for:
1) Lunch at an Indian restaurant with the purpose of sharing the Good News with the Muslim owner.
2) The meeting with Kavipiya. He said he would be thinking of questions about Christianity to ask me, so pray for wisdom in my answers, that the Lord would be working on him tonight and open his heart, and that tomorrow's meeting would be another great time of seeing God move.
3) Dinner with one of the girls who works at our hotel. Her name is Bandita.
4) A sweet new friend named Alisa. She became a believer last year and will be staying with Becky and I tomorrow so we can study Scripture together and talk.
5) Our last time to talk with the monks on Friday. Pray we would be able to share with the same monks and that God would open their eyes and hearts to the truth of the claims of Christ.

Thank you, friends. Tomorrow will be a BUSY day for me, and spiritually draining to be sure. Since I'm 11 hours ahead, I'd appreciate your prayers in your today! Thank you!

Weekend in Chiang Mai

2009-07-21T10:47:00.003-04:00

It's been several busy days here in Chiang Mai, and so, although I have a lot to post about, I also desperately need rest!

Saturday, we went and rode elephants. The whole experience was great. It started with an elephant show, where we watched baby elephants and some older elephants do tricks, play soccer, dunk basketballs, paint pictures, etc. I even got picked up by an elephant by his trunk and climbed up one's legs and sat directly on it. So cool, although I felt pretty grody afterward!

We also rode in an oxcart, did an actual elephant ride, and rafted on a bamboo raft down the river. Afterward we went to the orchid farm and the silver factory. Enlightening, but we were whipped. Thus, when we got back to the hotel, we ordered pizza and crashed for a while. Then, while the student studied for their exam for Monday, I went and got a 1 hour Thai massage for about $12. I admit, not the most relaxing thing. She banged and hit and pushed and prodded in ways that were highly uncomfortable, but overall, it felt pretty good. I was definitely sore Sunday though!

Sunday we got up and went to The Gathering, a largely Western church in Chiang Mai, and then ate lunch at the Sizzler - It was a western Sunday. We then went to Doi Su Tep, a big, important temple at the top of a mountain overlooking Chiang Mai. The view was beautiful, the people were beautiful, the temple was sad. SO much idolatry and hope in man-mdae things.

We then went to the jade factory (where Americans idolized the jewelery) and then Becky and I tore it up at the Sunday night market. Seriously, I am spending way too much on stuff - some of it's for gifts, some for me. I just love markets - the culture and the bartering and getting good deals). So, all in all, a fun weekend.

Alright - nothing too deep in this one, and I'm burnt out. Here are the links to my pictures: Hopefully what they say is true and the pictures are worth 1,000 words because I can't give any more!

The original album, with pictures through Sunday.
The second album, with even more pictures.

Please pray for Thailand

2009-07-18T08:11:00.002-04:00

Hey friends - Just wanted to ask you to pray for this country. There have been riots over the Prime Minister the last couple of days and the country has been in a bit of unrest, though I haven't seen any of it.

Also, as I'm sitting in the hotel lobby, I'm slapped in the face with the ease of prostitution and abuse of women in this country. It breaks my heart. As I'm sitting here, an old man is with a young Thai woman, explaining where his country is (Holland, nonetheless. He's used to the prostitution, I guess) and they're discussing pricing. I want to say something, but I have no spine. Instead I sit here and blog about it, and ask instead for prayer, that the people of this nation would be set free from their chains of darkness and see the light, found only in Christ.

I'll post later about my adventure with the elephants, et. al., but my heart is heavy with that and I wanted to share. Thanks for your prayers. Love you all.

Culture: Elephants and Buddhism

2009-07-16T06:37:00.003-04:00

Hi friends and family who are reading my blog! Hope you're all doing well.

It's been a long day here for me, and more is yet to come. I woke up (un-planned) around 4:30 am after a restless night and was unable to go back to sleep. So, here it is 5:40 my time and I'm drooping. Please pray the Lord would refresh and restore me, as I haven't been feeling 100% the last couple of days.

In non-health news, the trip is going well. It's been busy working and spending time with the team. I haven't really interacted much with the Thais, something I'll be trying to correct tomorrow. I want to soak up this culture while I'm here.

Speaking of culture, tonight is the cultural dinner and show here in Chiang Mai, complete with sitting on the floor to eat and cultural dancing. You know I love these kinds of things ;) Saturday is more culture, albeit a bit "touristy." We're heading out for the bamboo raft ride, elephant ride, watching elephants play soccer and paint, the botanical gardens and the jade factory. Should be a long day, but full of fun.

In non-cultural news, I met with several monks yesterday and was able to talk about Buddhism and Christianity and the differences, etc. I can't say I felt like much headway was made with any of the Buddhists - they were so blinded they didn't even see the irony in much of what they said, nor did they care. Pray for them, and also for Eddie, a California boy who is on a "spiritual journey" here in Thailand and was there are Monk Chat last night. He asked some good questions and we were able to have some really good conversations with him.

The interesting thing is that though most of the monks aren't Thai, they are all from traditional Buddhist cultures. Their Buddhism elicits very little passion, considering that they are giving their lives for it. Buddhism and elephants just seem to be another part of the culture, without much of a second thought.

Sorry this is short and choppy, but I'm burnt out and needing to get ready for dinner. To keep up with me more in-depth, check out Southeastern's blog that Courtney and I are in charge of, and my photos in my Facebook album. Love to all!

Wow. What a place.

2009-07-13T10:20:00.007-04:00

Today was my first FULL day in-country and the first day in Chiang Mai. We flew into the city this morning and promptly began eating. These are my kind of trips - Food-focused :) It's glorious.

Anyways, we went to this place called The Imaginary Jungle tonight ("Welcome to the jungle!"). The three things I can say about this place:
1) They have incredibly tasty food.

2) They have incredible scenery.

3) They have incredible bathrooms. See below.

Who wouldn't want a waterfall in their bathroom to help encourage them to go? I'm sorry if that seems silly and if you'd rather be hearing about the rest of the day...I'm honestly too tired at the moment to think more deeply. All I can think about is how fun and unique that place is!

Tomorrow is a new day and I will hopefully be more rested and thorough thinking. Have I told you guys about the SEBTS blog? Check it out here. I'm writing and Courtney is doing the photos and it should be updated (albeit a bit more sedately) than here. Anyways. Enjoy!

We've Arrived!!

2009-07-12T12:26:00.003-04:00

Hi friends - The team has landed safely in Thailand after approximately 33 hours since I last was in bed. Praise God I am about to head that direction now!

The last day/days have been brutal - not going to lie. I asked someone earlier what day it was - I'm so off. I'm currently 11 hours ahead of my east coast friends and family, so it's not only the opposite side of the world I'm on, it's also the opposite time of day for me.

I think my jet lag is doing OK - I'm about to hit the sack now, but I feel fairly on the right schedule. We'll see how tomorrow goes :)

We have another flight in the morning into Chiang Mai and then a scavenger hunt throughout the city to familiarize ourselves with it :) Can't decide if I'm going to be documenting or participating!!

One thing I have been participating in and I need to stop with right now is all the negativity. For those of you who know and love me, you know I get cranky when I'm tired and I'm feeding off everyone else's bad moods too, so I'm just makign snide remarks that are neither edifying nor Christ-like. Please pray for me.

I'll try and keep updating, later with some pictures! Love you all. Please be praying :)

P.S. - You can keep up with us, too, on the Southeastern blog: www.sebts.edu/thailand. I'm the voice of the trip :) Hopefully I'll be wittier and more interesting throughout the journey than I have been!

To-Do list

2009-07-10T10:34:00.004-04:00

Within 12 hours, I will hopefully have finished my invitations, finished the invitation inserts, printed them all off, cut them to size, packaged them, mailed them home, mailed my car payment, paid two bills, filled the turtle tank, gotten money from the bank, gone to Wal-Mart and bought some things, packed my suitcase, packed my carry-on, called Adrian - his mom - my mom and dad, driven to Courtney and Laura's and gone to bed.

Please pray for diligence in finishing what I need to finish! My Thailand departure is imminent.

What is yet to come...

2009-07-07T21:30:00.004-04:00

I was standing in line waiting to exchange a few things tonight at TJ Maxx when I saw a cookbook that said nothing on it except "Thai."

It was only $2.99, but I strictly didn't want to purchase anything - only exchange what I had. So, as I just flipped through it and decided not to buy it, but still, it gave me visions of the next two weeks.

As most of you probably know, (or maybe didn't know, depending on who you are) I'm heading to Thailand Saturday morning. It will be about 2 solid days of travel on either end of it, and 2 weeks spent in-country. If I wasn't excited before about the prospect of new cuisines to try, markets to shop at, massages for SUPER cheap, elephant rides, river rafting excursions (not whitewater...just a nice little float), new people to meet and an entirely new culture and continent to become acquainted with - that cookbook would have done it for me.

Although I didn't buy the book, it definitely "whet my appetite" for the taste of things to come. I'm growing increasingly excited about what the next couples of weeks will hold! God has blessed me graciously with this job of mine - which I often take for granted. I ought not do so for I realize when I stop to think about it how richly I have been blessed.

I ask for your prayers over the next few weeks. I may be posting again on more mundane "this is what I've been up to" kinds of things, or wedding-related things, but for tonight, this is what was on my heart. I want this hard heart of mine to be broken and humbled by my experiences. I want to see God's glory and hunger after it. I want to manifest it in my life.

I spy with my little eye...

2009-06-29T16:15:00.006-04:00

5 flights, 5 cities and a week and a half later, and my head is full of new sights that are outside of the ordinary for me these days.

I saw.....
-A straight-looking guy wearing a skirt. It wasn't a kilt but a bonafide skirt made of khaki, with pleats and cargo pockets.
-A mail truck stopped for gas. I've never seen one pumping gas before. It was weird.

-Some dear old friends in Knoxville, Louisville, Birmingham and Pensacola. It was so good to catch up with them and hear how God is moving in their lives.

At my lingerie shower at home with the girls! My t-shirt said "Bride!"

Eating dinner and catching up with Alyssa from Union at Cheesecake Factory in Louisville.

With two of my old Union roomies - Katie and Merry - waiting to see Jenn get married!

-One of my dear friends (and bridesmaids!) get married. She looked gorgeous, the wedding was so sweet with tears galore, and it was lovely to spend time with her and see her make her marriage vows before God and friends.

Sweet Jenn - one of my bridesmaids and dear friends.

-My entire toiletries bag covered in baby powder. Darn unclosed lid.
-A big resolution for a Great Commission Task force get passed at the Southern Baptist Convention.

All in all, a good week, although one that has left me exhausted. I'm glad to be home for a few days before heading out again to SC to see my fiance, my family, and my furry friend - Ben! Looking forward to a few nights alone and a few days with loved ones.

Ready or not....

2009-06-21T21:28:00.001-04:00

We picked a date. We picked a place. We picked bridesmaids dresses. We discussed lots of other things. All in all? It was a great, productive weekend.

Now, my night entails taking out the trash, watering the plants, feeding the turtles, showering, and finishing packing so I can roll out bright and early in the morning for Louisville.

Crazy week, here I come!

Double time!

2009-06-18T18:10:00.002-04:00

Did any of you ever do the Billy Blanks Tae Bo videos? I liked them until Billy boy said, "Double time!" and suddenly everyone on screen kicked it up a notch and the workout proceeded to kick my butt.

Billy Blank's "double time" Tae Bo = my life.

Starting tomorrow, I will begin the 6 week marathon known as "summer" for me. It looks like this:
-M'ville for wedding planning - including picking a site, date, bridesmaids' dresses, stationary style and a then having my lingerie shower!
-Home in Raleigh for a night before jet-setting to Louisville, Birmingham and Pensacola
-Back in my humble abode for 4 nights before going to Charleston for July 4th festivities with my fiance and family - a marathon weekend with people flying in to meet A (but mostly to see the city)
-Home for a week or so, with my best friend coming in for a final visit before she spends her fall volunteering in Latin America
-Two and a half weeks in Thailand.
-The end. I will crash be crashing at this point.

Is it worth mentioning my first weekend at home will hold engagement photos and a friend's wedding? Maybe I said "The end" prematurely.

Looking back at it - I think Tae Bo would be a breeze compared to my schedule.

Bring it on, Billy. Bring. it. on.

"At least you have the dress"

2009-06-11T10:04:00.003-04:00

Over the last week, I have become increasingly overwhelmed at the thought of the tasks that lie ahead of us. We need to book a venue, find a date, do engagement pictures, finalize our guest list, pick out bridesmaid dresses, decide on a caterer, design our stationary, send out invitations....etc., etc. And that's all in the next couple of weeks. It's all slightly stress-inducing.

A is being so sweet in urging me to not be stressed and to remember the important thing: Regardless of what the wedding looks like, at the end of the day, we'll be married. I can't wait for that moment.

In the meantime, as I am discussing these "to-dos" with bridesmaids, my mom and my photographer, the phrase "At least you have your dress" keeps coming out of their mouths.

I admit - it is surprising I found it so quickly and effortlessly. I was the girl who planned weekend getaways to Nashville and Atlanta to go shopping for my prom dresses so that I would have a Wa-BAM Dress that no on else had. (What's a Wa-BAM Dress, you ask? It's one that when you walk into a room, everyone stops and says "Wa-BAM, you look good." Irony of ironies, my Atlanta trip for senior year prom yielded me a beautiful dress....which happened to be the exact same one my best friend had bought at home. Oh well, I guess we both looked good!)

So, I do find it interesting that on the day that everyone says "is all about me" I was less than concerned with finding a dress that made everyone drool, as long as my love thinks I look beautiful. I take it as a sign of maturity - I no longer have that inner drive for attention that I once had. I think it's the knowledge that I don't want the attention at our wedding to be all about me - I want it to be on the Lord.

So as I remind myself that the day isn't about me, and it's not even all about us as a couple, I remember that it is about Christ Jesus and it is a celebration of His love for His bride - the church. When I focus on that, the concerns about guest list size, location, stationary color, bridesmaid dress cut...it all becomes infinitely less important. If people come and the food is cold and the music is lame and it rains on our beautiful outdoor ceremony, will God still be glorified? I hope so. That's our goal.

Pain

2009-06-04T15:00:00.003-04:00

I don't have any answers to the problem of pain. The only thing I know is that the world is a painful place and life is a painful thing to live through.

I have lately been overwhelmed with the realization of how many problems people are dealing with, how much pain is in their hearts. Broken relationships, broken dreams, broken bones, unmet expectations, hurtful words and actions...It all strikes at the core of our beings. I think the reason these things are so painful is because we were created for more. We were created to have full, perfect relationships with our loving Heavenly Father and with one another. We were created to be in perfect harmony with all that God had fashioned, but that is no longer the world we live in.

Instead, we struggle against the prince of darkness, who causes pain and heartache and no way to out. I praise God that he has fought and defeated the enemy, although we have yet to fully see the effects of it in this life. Even in the midst of deep heartache, God is worthy to be praised, for he has provided a way out from pain. He promises no more death, or crying, or hurting. He promises comfort and peace everlasting.

"In my darkest hour, that's where I found true love. Jesus lifted me from the dead of night, and he'll never give me up. I'm his beloved and he is mine. Nothing can separate us, no space, no time, no death, no life, no person, no power, so strong is the love of my heavenly Father."

Come quickly, Lord. Heal the broken hearts of your people.

Only in dreams.

2009-06-02T15:19:00.004-04:00

You know TV is too much when you make plans to get off the phone with your fiance to watch Man vs. Wild. Or when you dream about Jon and Kate.

Seriously, tonight Adrian have planned to watch (separately, but together) the special of Man vs. Wild featuring Will Ferrell with Bear Grylls. That should be some good entertainment!

What is not such good entertainment is the spectacle Jon and Kate Gosselin have made of their marriage via public television. Although I am not a hard-core fan of their show, I am a fan of marriage and God's design for two people staying together through the rough spots and making one another their #1 priority, under God but above all else. This seems to no longer be the case with Jon and Kate, although, from having watched only like 5 episodes tops, I'm notsomuch sure if a Christ-honoring marriage ever was the case with the Gosselins. Either way, it saddens me to see their marriage detiorating in a very public way. Apparently, it saddened me enough that last night I dreamed about them.

I dreamed that Jon and Kate (and Mark Driscoll) and I had a barbeque dinner. We were sitting at a picnic table, enjoying dinner (sans 8 kids) when I apparently got a wee bit hostile. Jon, or maybe Mark, confronted me and told me to stop asking hard questions and being antagonistic. Ouch. That was harsh, Dream Man.

On second thought, I'm pretty sure that comment came from Mark Driscoll. I would think Jon has put up with enough of Kate's antagonism and hostility that even in my dream, there would be no point in him calling me out when he has enough of it to deal with from his wife.

That's good. My dream-advice is much better received, having come from Dream Driscoll.

On third thought - maybe Driscoll should give some marital advice to the Gosselins. Methinks that tough love, Driscoll style, would make for some reconciliation and some really good television.

Mission: Accomplished

2009-06-01T09:21:00.003-04:00

2 days and about 50+ dresses later and I bought my wedding gown!

I love it. I really do :) I'm quite excited to wear it for my love on our wedding day....Until then, all of you will have to be in suspense over what it looks like! Haha.

Let me just say this: if you're in the Raleigh area and looking for a place to go for a great selection and reasonably priced dresses, let me encourage you to check out Carolina Bridal World in Smithfield. The girl who assisted me was SOOO helpful - she made the process a breeze and really enjoyable. In fact, she was the one who picked out the dress I bought, which also happened to be the first one I tried on there. I walked in, showed her some pictures of dresses I liked, and she whipped around and grabbed about 15 for me, as my mom, my friend Stephanie and I grabbed more. Seriously, Kayla, thank you. I had such a good experience, thanks to you!

I can't say as much about the helpfulness of the other place I went to on Friday...In addition to no dressing rooms (only 6 inch partitions sticking out from the wall), the assistant was less than helpful. Throughout most of the experience, she actually seemed rather put out by me wanting to try on wedding dresses....Some nerve I have - asking to try on dresses at a bridal boutique.

So anyways, check out Carolina Bridal World! They had great prices, great service, great dressing rooms....All in, really....great :) The ease of finding a dress and the fantastic price were just another example of how God is richly blessing this wedding process for Adrian and I!

Hope you all had a wonderful weekend as well!

Let the games begin...

2009-05-28T15:36:00.004-04:00

This weekend marks the first "real" step into the world of wedding planning: I'm going wedding dress shopping! My mom is coming over and we'll be making a weekend of it.

I am beyond excited. Seriously.

Here are a few of the dresses I like: I'm noticing a pattern of lace. Any thoughts or recommendations? I'll be going here and here that I know of.

Pray it is a fun and productive time!

Remembering God's faithfulness

2009-05-22T11:24:00.003-04:00

When I think about the Lord, one of His attributes that often stands out most clearly to me is His faithfulness.

The word "faithful" is used in looking at the example of God's unwavering commitment to His people (a commitment to be emulated in marriage) and incomprehensible ordination of our steps for His glory - a promise that he gave so long ago, and is still fulfilling today.

He is faithful to bring about good in our lives, and faithful to mold us more and more into men and women who resemble Christ. What beauty and hope there is in that.

Even in the little things - little to others, though big to me - God has been so faithful. He was faithful to bring me to a place where I would hear his calling(s) on my life, he was faithful to provide me with strong teachers and mentors over the course of my life, he was faithful to sustain me in the ridiculously hard time after Adrian and I broke up, and he was faithful to bring us back together in a way that is (I hope) more God-glorifying and Christ-focused than ever before.

So, as I sat in graduation this morning for work, I couldn't help but think back on God's faithfulness. The last graduation ceremony I sat through was December 12, and was a much different experience than today. That day, I was fraught with peace in what God would ordain, but also fraught with worry over the free will of sin-filled men and women. I was anxiously awaiting the reunion with the man I had prayed over and cried over for so long, and yet, I was resting in the arms of the God who knew my heart better than I knew my own.

God has been faithful to me. He cared for my heart and soul, he sustained me in rough times, he taught me to love Him more than anything or anyone else, and he remained steadfastly by my side through it all - teaching me and molding me and changing me. So today, as I sat through another graduation, I couldn't help but think about where we were last time I had that experience, and how God's faithfulness has radically changed the landscape of my heart and life, even since that day.

Today, as I prepare to visit Adrian - my fiance - for the weekend, I can't help but think about God's faithfulness in caring for His children, His faithfulness in giving me a calling to a specific man, and His faithfulness in bringing us back together, to someday become husband and wife.

God is so very good, so very faithful.

"Season by season, I watch Him amazed, in awe of the mystery of His perfect ways. All I have need of His hand will provide. He's always been faithful to me."

Ah, the good old days.

2009-05-19T09:46:00.002-04:00

I miss the days when being home sick meant laying on the couch reading and watching TV all day, having Mom rub your back and bring you your favorite foods. It was always a treat to miss school for that.

Being a big girl and getting sick now means I'm having to take care of my dog and myself - he still has to go out and go to the bathroom, I still have to find food for me to eat, and to top it off - I have finals this week and a paper to write...

Booooo sickness. Double boooo on responsibilities! ;)

Hurrah for life!

2009-05-13T16:41:00.003-04:00

There's lots to be thankful for and excited about in my life.

God is good and faithful, and pours out blessings beyond belief. I'm getting married to an amazing man of God who loves Jesus and me, in that order. I'm going to Red Robin Friday night for either a celebration "I'm done with my diet" meal, or just a break from it - either way it's going to be wonderfully tasty. The season finale of LOST is on tonight: Two hour of brain-numbing questions and thrills.

Oh boy. Life is grand.

For His sake, by His grace

2009-05-08T15:36:00.004-04:00

"Paul, a servant of Christ Jesus, called to be an apostle, set apart for the gospel of God...through whom we have received grace and apostleship to bring about the obedience of faith for the sake of his name among all the nations..." ~Romans 1:1,5

I'm working on this: Recognizing my role as a servant of Christ for the sake of the gospel by means of grace. My prayer is for an increase in obedience of faith for the sake of Christ Jesus, in every tongue, tribe and nation.

God, you have set me apart. I pray now, set me on fire for You.

Tired of turkey

2009-05-06T12:31:00.002-04:00

I can't remember, but I don't think I have elaborated on this eating regime I'm doing, per doctor's orders.

The week after Easter, the doctor put me on a new healthy eating scheme that eliminates my favorites: Moe's, bread, french fries, hamburger buns, baked potatoes, mashed potatoes, Dr. Pepper, fried foods (including, but not limited to chicken nuggets and chicken tenders).

Oi vey.

This is my 3rd/4th week of trying to do this. I say trying, and 3rd/4th week, because the first week I didn't really follow it so well. I have been a lot better until last night, which was Cinco de Mayo, aka tortillas, chips and rice. YUMMY. The food was amazing, but today marks a race to get back on track.

Today, that race looks like this: Once again, eating (the bazillionth) turkey sandwich and caesar salad for lunch, and a refusal of free Bojangles chicken biscuit this morning for breakfast....It breaks my heart to turn down delicious fried chicken and biscuits, but I want to see if this whole diet thing has any legitimacy :)

Time: The lack thereof.

2009-05-04T12:20:00.003-04:00

So little to do in so much time!

Scratch that. Reverse it.

So MUCH to do, in so little time!

Who knew that by the beginning of May, every stinking weekend almost is booked until the beginning of August? This is ridiculous.

Weddings, wedding showers, dress shopping, weekends in South Carolina, work trips....too much going on.

Please ask the Lord to marvelously work things out for his glory, teaching me peace and patience and waiting in the midst of it all.

Springtime is slowing down

2009-04-27T13:45:00.002-04:00

After a crazy busy couple of months of travel, schoolwork, work-work and the like, I am relishing the thought that I am settled for a few weeks.

Last week, upon arriving back in the office with a brand new diamond ring on my finger, I was thrown back into the work world with 4 straight days of articles to write about...Still finishing those up. I also had to study for a Theology exam and write a paper about my calling and fulfilling the Great Commission. Finishing those items, I had to unpack and re-pack for a weekend in Hilton Head for my friend Teran's bachelorette party and an afternoon in the 'Boro with my beloved.

Let's recap: Since this day in December, I have...
-Spent two weeks in Amsterdam
-Spent Adrian's birthday weekend with him in Georgia and South Carolina
-Gone to a wedding
-Gone to the 20/20 Conference for work
-Driven to Lumberton on Valentine's Day
-Ridden with my friend Erin to SC to see A
-Taken a long weekend to go to Tennessee and show my hometown to Adrian
-Ridden to South Carolina with Erin again to give Ben to Adrian
-Gone to Mexico for a week
-Visited SC/Adrian with my parents/Gotten engaged
-Driven to Hilton Head for a weekend with the girls

Whew. I am glad to be home for a while!! Praise God for vacations and sweet get-aways, and praise Him for a home to come back to and relax in. Although, I don't know how relaxing the next couple of weeks will be, with stuff going on around here most weekends, finals for school, and preparations for Teran's wedding, not to mention gearing up for summer, wedding planning of my own and waiting on the Lord for the next step of our lives.

He is faithful to sustain us, to give us perfect answers to our questions and to give us purpose and direction in serving Him. Looking back on where all I have been this spring, I can't wait to see what He does in my life this summer!

The story. April 18.

2009-04-20T14:48:00.006-04:00

Ok, the blog has been blowing up with visitors, so I'll share the story!

Friday, I was in SC visiting Adrian and his mom, who was in town for the week. My parents drove down to Charleston and we were planning on having the whole crew meet up for lunch. First, though, Adrian took me ring shopping. The jeweler let it slip that Adrian already had the diamond, but he told me we were just looking, since I had told him I really wanted to go ring shopping with him. After we left, unbeknowst to me, he took the diamond in to the jeweler and had him set it in the setting I liked.

Saturday morning, we woke up and drove to Beaufort (just the two of us) for a quiet morning walk along the riverfront and some coffee and quiet time together. As we walked, we sat down in a swing along the river and began taking pictures. He had told me he had two presents for me, so he gave me them. The first was a beautiful leather-bound, ESV Journaling Bible. The second was a small notebook he had written letters to me in, since before we were even a couple. The last letter ended the notebook, and in that one, he said he knew he wanted to spend his life with me in service to the Lord. As I finished reading it, he said there was one more thing to go along with those presents and then he gave me the ring.

I just began saying, "Oh m gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!" He said, "So....will you?" to which I responded, "Will I what?" ;)

"Will you marry me?"

Of course, I said YES!

We haven't set a date yet, but we are so thrilled to embark on this next journey of life together, serving one another and serving the Lord with joy and gladness. God is so incredibly good to us - beyond all imagination. Adrian is the blessing of my life, aside from my salvation and faith in Christ. I cannot wait to be his wife!

Here are a few pictures, and here is a link to all of them on Facebook.

Right after getting engaged! I was so shocked and excited!

Yay!! So happy.

At lunch with our parents.

My gorgeous ring.

I love this man.

The beautiful sunset on the way home. God blessed us with so many good surprises that day.

Me with Adrian's Mom and my Mom.

BIG NEWS

2009-04-19T20:46:00.002-04:00

Hello blog readers: Just wanted to let you know, really quickly, what went on in my life this weekend:

I GOT ENGAGED!

We are thrilled. It was amazing. I'll post more on the topic later, but I just wanted to share :)

Health and Happiness

2009-04-15T14:16:00.003-04:00

This week has been full of fun little surprises...(That is halfway sarcastic, and halfway serious.)

Sunday afternoon, Adrian and his mom came to town and we went to Easter dinner at Cheesecake Factory (LOVE it!). I enjoyed Chicken Madeira and some Kahlua Cocoa Coffee Cheesecake, and it's a good thing I did, because Monday, el doctor put me on a special new eating plan. I think I will affectionately call this plan Torture, because it prohibits me from indulging in two of my favorites: Dr. Pepper and carbohydrates. Oh lawzy... ;) So, since Monday I have had my personal nutritionists (Adrian and his mom) helping me eat healthy so I feel better and am healthier. Thus, far, I haven't felt remarkably different, perhaps because I need a good night's sleep to help it kick in.

It's been several late nights this week since Sunday, when they came into town. Monday, as they were leaving (as scheduled to go back), they made it about a block and his truck died. It was fixed today (Wednesday) so it was a pleasant (for me) surprise having him and his Mom there for a few days with me. Even though this new diet thingy is going to be tough, his support in helping me figure out tasty things to eat and buying good food for me has been wonderful.

The added bonus is this: Tomorrow, I'm heading down to see them and meet up with my parents for a "meeting of the parentals." That translates into getting to see Adrian every day for 7 days straight. That's the longest run of our relationship! Marvelous.

For those of you who haven't done the long-distance thing, count your blessings that 8 months into the relationship isn't the first time you've spent an entire week together. Although the Lord is using the distance to challenge and grow our relationship, I will be ready for that phase to be over so every week is a week spent with my love.

So, as I head down to Charleston tomorrow, here's a little snapshot of how we rung in this week together!Snuggling with our Benny boy

Oooohhhh, Mexico!

2009-04-13T14:55:00.006-04:00

I'm back! Here's a quick recap (with photos!) of my trip(s) across the border.

Overall, I had a great time in Mexico. It was a wonderful week in which I was able to better focus on the Lord and his plan, not just for me, but for the nations. I am so excited to get to heaven and worship alongside my Mexican, Dutch, Guatemalan, etc. brothers and sisters in Christ. I was even given the opportunity to share the Gospel with one our plane's stewards on Good Friday. It was uncomfortable, but God is faithful to provide opportunities and words.

God is so good. What a blessing my job, this trip and my salvation are.

The week in Mexico was wonderful with time spent....

with great new girl-friends,

with great new guy-friends (added bonus, they love to quote the Office and laugh!),

eating tasty food (tamales!),

playing with ADORABLE little Latino kids,

and keeping an eye on mischievous ones...

It was a wonderful week of making new friends!

Settling In and Taking Off

2009-04-02T13:34:00.002-04:00

So, just wanted to post an update before I head out for a while.

I'll be leaving for Mexico on Saturday morning to go with a team to host a kids' baseball camp. Personally, I'll be more on the documentation side of things, and not as much hands-on, because it's a work trip (like Amsterdam was). Before I go though, I wanted to just share a little bit about what God has been teaching me the last few days...

I honestly have really struggled this week with purposelessness, discontentment and frustration, even directed at some I dearly love. However, the Lord has been showing me a few things, for which I am so grateful.

1) God is in control. Even when I don't see how the plan will work out in the end, I can trust that God makes good on his promises, both the big picture ones (like redemption, conquering of sin, salvation, et. al. SO good) and the ones that affect me on a more micro level (He'll never leave me, and he alone gives rest if I have faith in him).

2) Calling. Although ministry doesn't look as I would have it look at the moment, I know that I am involved in ministries here. It may not be as front-line in the war as I desire, but my job and my ministry to Adrian both affect the Kingdom. Those are ministries God has given me, and he has put me in those places for a purpose in this season.

3) Desire to be involved in more overt ministries is (for me) very works-based and self-focused. I struggle to find a place to plug in and serve, not because my heart cares for those people, but because I think that somehow I am "being a better Christian" or that I am more holy when other people can see my deeds and say, "Wow. Look how much she is serving."

Works-based righteousness is no righteousness at all. All I can do is give my all to the ministries God has me in right now (namely, my job, Adrian and my classes) and trust him for fruit, rather than force my way into something that is not where God would specifically call me, just for the sake of doing. Faith without works is dead, yes, but works done - not in faith but in pride - are equally as futile. Romans teaches that whatever is not done in faith is sin. Thus, even if I am trying to do "a good thing," what is my motivation? If it is pride and my desire to do something for God, then it is sin, I think. I can offer nothing but myself. God wants me to serve Him wholeheartedly, yes, but I believe he wants me to serve him in the ways/ministries/areas he has called me to and not in areas I try to push myself into so that others think better of me. I serve an audience of one, and I trust that pouring myself into those God evidently places in my life is what he asks of me - not any prideful service. So....until God opens other doors and evidently calls me to "enter those rooms" in service with Him, I will pour myself into the ministries he has already made evident in my life.

That means that as part of my job (one of my ministries) I will be going to Mexico Resurrection week. Rather than lament this trip for any number of reasons, I am giving glory to God that he has shown me that in this week and in this place, he asks for me to give me all with a joyful heart, and he will take care of everything else. Praise Him for clarity.

Wrestling

2009-03-30T12:45:00.002-04:00

Calling...Purpose...Ministry...Jobs...Location...Heart for people...Specifics...

Those are some weighty concepts and ideas that I've been beginning to wrestle through. At this phase of my life, I recognize how discontent I am in what God has given me, and for that I am sorry. I want to be content in Christ alone, and then understand what my calling is as a believer and understand exactly what my purpose is at this exact moment in time. How can I be involved in ministry in the way the Lord would have me be? How do I reconcile my commitment to my job with my desire to actively be in ministry, two things which both require a large chunk of time? Do I just plug into every opportunity the Lord places in front of me? What role does passion for a specific group of people play? Should I wait for clear direction or purpose in how to minister? Why do I not seem to have the passion for a specific group of God's people, like I feel like I ought to?

God, I WANT to be on fire for you and I want to share you...I just don't know what that looks like. I want to be obedient to use the circumstances, gifts, and desires you have given me, but I also want to make sure I am doing it out of obedience to you and what you have for me, and not for any other reason. Lord, I seek you and your direction.

Umm....NO

2009-03-27T11:11:00.003-04:00

I am notsomuch happy with the blog stats this morning.

It is not a good thing when people search for my name plus the word "lesbian." And then my blog pops up.

For the record, I have a MAN I love very much.

So searcher: If you come back and read through the blog again, please be aware that I am a strong supporter of God's design for a man and a woman to leave their parents and cleave to one another in a marriage that is a picture of the relationship between Christ and the church. That's how it should be, and that's what I am striving for.

K, thanks.

2009-03-23T14:19:00.004-04:00

The trip to Maryville this weekend was wonderful.

Good food, good conversations, great weather, laughter and time spent with those I love. Who could ask for anything more? It was such a blessing to be able to spent time with Adrian AND my parents and friends.

Here are a few pictures to show you what we were up to!

At the Y with Adrian on a beautiful spring day!

Goofing around in Cades Cove - the area where the first settlers of East Tennessee lived.

Adrian got to meet my grandma for the first time. Cute group shot, no?

Me with two of my best friends from high school - Lauren and Nikki. Also, the two handsome fellas are Ben and Barkley :)

I'm all over the place...

2009-03-18T11:04:00.003-04:00

1) I praise God that I am a work in progress and who I am now is not who I used to be, and who I will be in 5 years is not who I am now. I just pray that it is the Lord refining me and making me into who he desires for me to be, and nothing else.

2) Zeta - Beta Omega - Past and Present (#1)
Bay Leaf College and Singles
The office
JABLADJ
Everything Media at Southeastern
Cause I Know You

What are those random words, you may be asking? Only the SIX pools I am in for March Madness! I figure if I play my cards right, I'll do really well in at least one of them, right? Here's to hoping! I tried to diversify my winners in the brackets, but seriously? There's only so much fantasy one can take. The buck stops at my final four picks - At that point, I think the bets are fairly safe as to who has a chance to win and who.....doesn't. At all.

I'll let you know how it turns out :)

3) Home is where your heart is, right? It definitely will be this weekend! I am so excited to combine going home with the one my heart loves! Adrian and I are going to Maryville this weekend (his first time to visit) and I am pretty stinking excited. Lots of down-time (watching the tournament action) planned, along with some time with dear friends and some time spent in the lovely Smoky Mountains. God is so good, and he has blessed me so much!

Full

2009-03-09T09:36:00.002-04:00

It's been a long time since I posted, I feel like. My life is full, which makes it difficult to not only keep up with the blog, but to know what exactly to write when I do feel like getting on here.

In addition to my life being full, my head seems to always be full, thus why it is difficult to get my thought together enough to blog. My thoughts churn around and around and it usually is only a very small window of peace that I have...Perhaps it because I seek peace in my circumstances, instead of the One who is peace?

Jesus said he would give us his peace: "My peace I give to you. My peace I leave with you." As the Holy Spirit fills us, we are filled with peace. And yet, too often I think I look for peace in improper ways. I search for it in people, in relationships, in circumstances, in sleep, in laughter, in creature comforts....in temporal things. While those things are not inherently bad, they cannot provide lasting peace. They will NEVER be able to gift me with the peace that passes all understanding. God alone can do that, but it is a gift.

When I pursue God, peace will follow. When I abide in the Holy Spirit, His fruits (including peace) will abound in my life. When I emulate Jesus, life won't give me peace (for his life was not peaceable, either, in the way we understand peace), but he found peace in God the Father in the midst of trials.

God - I don't ask for peace. I know it is a gift. I only ask for You, more of you every moment. I desire the strength to pursue You with all I have, knowing that as a perfect and loving Father, You will give me the gifts I need.

I rejoice - but not enough

2009-02-25T14:40:00.003-05:00

I feel like I ought to write, but in reality I am at a loss as to what exactly to put down on here. God has been teaching me a lot lately, but to even begin to try and articulate it on a blog would only serve to scratch the surface and not do justice to the lessons I seem to be learning.

All I know is that God is so good. He is good, and he is sovereign, and because of those, I rejoice. I rejoice because he is glorious, even when I can't even begin to comprehend the magnitude of it. He gives so many good gifts - In reality, all we deserve is punishment, so anything good or anything made good is a gift from our most merciful God.

So....yeah. Nothing funny today, just some introspection. Hope that's ok :)

Ikea. My obsession.

2009-02-23T13:50:00.002-05:00

Does everyone know about IKEA? The great Swiss-based store that sells TONS of nifty things (furniture, home items, gadgets and gizmos a'plenty)?!? I sure hope you know what I am talking about, because if not, you are MISSING OUT. Believe you me.

IT'S FINALLY OPEN IN CHARLOTTE.

I found out that ikea, that mecca of shopping fun, is now open and selling their wares within a few hours of me. It's finally within my reach....

Anyone? Anyone? I know SOMEONE must want to go visit with me! Come on...I'll even treat you to some tasty Swedish meatballs at the food court.

Help Teran go to Australia!

2009-02-20T11:39:00.003-05:00

Hey friends - My dear friend Teran has applied for a job that is right up her alley - doing a video tourism blog for an organization in Queensland, Australia. If you've ever checked out her blog here in NC, you know she has a great camera presence, a spunky personality, and the skills to make people want to go where she suggests!

So, now take MY suggestion and help her get the job by viewing her video and rating her high! You can watch it and rate her video entry here!

She is getting married in June (I'm in la boda) and her fiance' JJ is game to take his crime-fighting skills to Australia (he's a Raleigh police officer). Help this fantastic couple have the opportunity of a lifetime! Thanks!

Tagged: Photo 4

2009-02-17T21:51:00.003-05:00

This is a fun-ish tag!
1. Go to the 4th folder where you keep your pictures on your computer.
2. Post the 4th picture in the folder.
3. Explain the photo.
4. Tag 4 people.

This picture was taken inside a mosque in Amsterdam. While we were there for a work/study/mission trip, we were able to go inside and talk with someone about Islam and watch the call to prayer and prayers. If you think the building is beautiful inside, you're right. Ironically (sadly) enough, this is actually an old church that shut down and was later bought by a Turkish Islamic organization to be used as a mosque. The front door of the church faced Mecca, the direction Muslims have to pray to, so they now worship with their back to what used to be the altar and choir loft (the direction you see in the photo). So telling - they have turned their backs on the One True God to worship Allah. This should be such an impetus to us to get going to tell people about the God who saves and loves us...Anyways, I didn't actually take this photo, our photographer did.

I tag people who read the blog:
Kathy
Julie
Ginny
Shae

Love, love, love, loooove

2009-02-15T22:02:00.004-05:00

I hope as you were reading that, it was to the tune of Jason Mraz's new song, which I can hardly remember any words to, but which has such a catchy tune. That's what's in MY head currently.

Just wanted to share a few pictures from yesterday....Valentine's day. It was my first time to have a valentine, and I am SO thankful that I don't have any bad valentines in my past to mar it...He's great, and I am so blessed by him, VDay or not. Literally, after the gifts of the Lord and my salvation, Adrian is one of the biggest blessings of my life.

He and I drove halfway and met in Lumberton, which is a podunk little town with an Outback and a mall that is approximately 100 yards long. Seriously. We went to both places, then ventured over to UNC Pembroke, where we did a mini photo shoot and walked around campus, drank some coffee and enjoyed being with one another.

After several attempts at getting a good shot on campus, we finally got a decent one. The campus is really pretty, with an outdoor amphitheater, a pond with a fountain, lots of trees and benches and a clocktower that literally went off every 10 minutes.

I love cheesy photos. Never underestimate the power of cheese! Haha. What better place for a cheesy Valentine's Day photo than in a mall in front of an exceedingly cheesy Valentine's Day backdrop?! You can tell I am excited.....Adrian's not so big on the pictures :)

I know red roses are cliche on VDay, but for someone who has never been given a dozen red roses on Valentines Day by a man she loves...They were perfect.

To know Him and make Him known

2009-02-13T11:37:00.004-05:00

This has been a crazy week, both for me and for the organization for which I work. On the heels of last weekend's excellent 20/20 Conference (with Danny Akin, Bill Brown, Mark Driscoll and C.J. Mahaney) has come a lot of deep thinking for me and a lot of brouhaha for the SBC.

The speakers all personally challenged me in my walk with the Lord, causing me to examine my heart, see deep-rooted sin in it and ask forgiveness for my self-worship and idolatry. I have FAR too often acted out of a self-focused heart and mind, instead of being focused on the glory of God...It has been a good challenge, but a challenge nonetheless. Seeing my own wickedness is never easy, but it is so good because it causes me to reflect on the goodness and fullness of Christ. My desire is to continue to know him and to make him known to others.

With that said, I see a lot of those same desires (to more fully know God and make him known) reflected by the leadership of this great institution where I work. I am especially honored and thankful this week for Southeastern, as lines are drawn in the sand over the hateful treatment of Mark Driscoll, after having him speak at this conference. Never have I been more thankful for the leadership here than this week. Led by Dr. Akin and others, this school is falling firmly on the side of Christ-like love to those who may hold differing views on minor issues. Instead of joining the fray about all of this (there is enough going on in the blog world about it), I just want to express my thanks to the Lord for raising up sound leaders such as Dr. Akin for such a time as this. I also want to say that I am SO thankful for men who will take a stand for fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, rather than attacking their character over "every jot and tittle."

I don't know where the chips will fall on all of this, or if it will just die out eventually, but I am so grateful to God for the opportunity to learn, grow and be stretched by these issues under the leadership of Godly men. May we ALL unite under the Godliest of men - Jesus, God in the flesh - and and look together at how to know Christ and make him known.

Creative Mood: Here and Gone

2009-02-08T16:31:00.004-05:00

Occasionally I get in crafty moods and just feel like CREATING something. Last weekend was one of those times. After a delicious (NOT healthy) breakfast at Waffle House, Lindsay and I were off to A.C Moore and Michael's to buy paint and scrapbooking supplies. While my little foray into scrapbooking (continuing one A started for us) basically stunk, I am semi-pleased with my painting excursion.

I wanted something that would bring more colors than just red and black into my apartment, so I wanted to incorporate some oranges and golds into some wall art for my dining room. Behold: My 3-panel painting. It's not great, but my creative juices stopped flowing. I was ready to be done and have it hung!

Pretty paint colors :)

The tools of a true artist such as myself....Ha, yeah right.

A blank canvas....Such a fresh, hopeful feeling

I just like the way the paint blobs looked together before I mixed the colors...

The "finished product."
I say "finished" because it might not be...I could get to feeling creative again in a couple of weeks and continue working on it, but for now, I'm fed up with it and done!

Follows-Ups

2009-02-05T16:05:00.002-05:00

There are two bits of information to share with my faithful blog readers (all 7 of you.)

1) Remember how that woman stopped me and asked if I needed help last week and I wasn't sure whether or not to be offended? I've decided I'm very thankful for her assistance.

The day she saw me was 2 days after a 15 year old boy was stabbed in my neighborhood. They haven't found the guy who stabbed him....Scary. The boy is OK, but it definitely makes me a lot more cautious in my walks and a lot more alert.

2) After my "funny fall" yesterday (see last post), I felt the need to repeat it, apparently. I was walking up the marble steps in my office building after class and had the same issue: My toe got caught in my pants as I was stepping up. Once again, I fell. Hard. This time I hurt my knee and my hand.

After a couple of emotionally rough days and the humiliation of falling TWICE in one day, this time having people see and fawn all over me, I sat on the steps and cried out of embaresment, exhaustion, pain and frustration. Then I went home.

I'm realizing how stubborn I am. Even when I know I need to stop, take a break, get in my Bible and follow hard after Jesus, I continue to push myself, fill my time with activities I don't NEED to do, and stay self-focused. God, in his sovereignty, allowed that fall, I think, to give me time to rest and focus on Him...Thankfully, I am feeling more myself today and more focused on the goodness of my Savior.

Praise the Lord for his protection: He protects me from men who stab children, and he protects me from my self-focused self. Thank you, Father.

I Keep On Falling...

2009-02-04T09:01:00.002-05:00

Have I mentioned I have small feet for my height? I do. 5'8'' and I wear a 7 1/2. That's a less-than-stable support down there. Most girls my height wear about a 9 1/2 or so, so you see what I'm working with!

I often blamed my abnormally small feet as the reason that I fell A LOT in high school. I would fall down bleachers, walking down hallways, out of chairs (I know, this has nothing to do with foot size), off of sidewalks, etc. I have grown out of that habit, for the most part.

Fast forward to today.

I have been oddly out-of-sorts the last few days, so as I was walking into work this morning, I was praying the Lord would renew my heart and my mind, humble me, and take my heart of stone and replace it with a heart that follows hard after him. I was so caught up in my praying that I didn't notice my shoe getting...uh, caught up...in my pants until it was too late. I hit the cement. Hard.

Blame it on not paying attention, blame it on the insanely pointy-toed shoes I love to wear, blame it on my new European-style wide leg pants I'm sporting...Wherever the blame lies, so there also laid my body. As I was plunging forward, unable to catch myself for the two large bags I was carrying, my sunglasses flew off and I believe I yelled out something less than ladylike.

Thankfully, the only thing that was damaged (besides my skinned hands and knees) was my pride. I mean, I was asking the Lord to humble me. I guess I just didn't think it would be so literal. Pride goeth before a fall, though, right? Good gracious.

I Won!!

2009-02-02T10:28:00.003-05:00

What happened last night at the conclusion of the Superbowl was a beautiful thing. Not only was it an amazingly intense game, which resulted in a lot of trash talking between Adrian and I, but it also resulted in ME winning a bet that HE initiated.

The terms of said bet?

If the Cardinals won, I would have to (get to, excuse me) play video games all afternoon with him, namely those I "wouldn't normally play, like Halo and Madden."

If the Steelers won, we would go shopping. For him. For some new jeans.

Have I mentioned that he's 6'8'' and finding jeans that fit is a wee bit difficult? This is going to make it a nice loooonnngg afternoon at the mall with him :)

However, I agreed that we can still play some video games. It was a close game, after all, and I'm just nice like that. I think I like betting!

You know you're looking rough when...

2009-01-28T20:41:00.002-05:00

You know you're looking rough when at 7 pm, whilst walking the dog along a road in a fairly well-to-do neighborhood, a nice lady in a white Escalade stops her vehicle to ask you, "Are you OK? Do you need some help?"

"Do I look like I need help?"

Granted, it was dark, it was raining and I neglected to wash my hair today. But seriously? Is a girl in jeans and a ski jacket, holding an umbrella and walking her dog that unusual?

I'm still trying to decide whether I should be thankful she cared enough to stop or insulted that I looked so distressed as to warrant the pity.

It's been a while

2009-01-28T12:32:00.002-05:00

Sorry for my lack of blog-posting lately. I know those of you who check during lunch have had a boring visit lately.

There has been a lot going on emotionally, mentally and spiritually for me. God has really been teaching me some things about my selfishness, His immense love, ministry preparations, submission, patience, loving others...It goes on and on.

This week, I have been mentally stressed at work, as we're about to launch our new website, which my office has been a major player in editing and building. Today is D-Day though, and by 5 pm, our work should be (in large part) finished.

However, after the mental strains of last week, and the work stress of this week, I am worn out. I have been trying to take care of myself by eating well and sleeping a decent amount, but I can't seem to shake this feeling of exhaustion this week.

The result? Crankiness. I'm trying to be helpful, and loving, and kind, and patient, and Christ-centered, and others-focused...It's not happening. I need the Lord to get ahold of my heart and my head and give me a new spirit - one that looks vastly more like Him than where I am right now.

Whoever said being a Christ-follower was a crutch for the weak obviously never tried. This walk of faith grows harder, but more worth it, every day. Harder as I realize how far from being Christ-like I am, but more worth it as I grow in a deeper knowledge of the abundant goodness of my Savior.

Walking in a winter wonderland.

2009-01-22T10:47:00.004-05:00

Just a few pictures from our snow day here in NC! Ben had never seen snow before, other than a bit of flurrying, so it was lots of fun to watch him romp around and enjoy it! Thanks to my friend Paige for taking these for me, as my camera wasn't ordered until that afternoon.

In other picture news, my Mom has been going through all of the old family pictures. She's mailing some of them to me, I think, so we shall see what old relics she digs up. If it's anything funny, I'll consider sharing :)

Ok, here's the ones from Benny's first snow day. Enjoy!

What's all this white stuff?

Who cares?! I love it!!

White Fang and I.

So many good things!

2009-01-20T12:32:00.004-05:00

I am in a state of contentment today, and that is a great place to be. Above all, I am thankful and content because of the love of God in my life, not because I am worthy of it, but because he is glorious and kind. In his goodness, he has given me so many blessings, several of which I am acutely aware of today.

Here's a (short) list of some of the things I am thankful for today!
1) I'm working from home, which is so nice. Why? It SNOWED!! It is beautiful here, and I think a bit more snow is still on the way. Ben and I woke up early to go play in the snow and he LOVED it, although I think he may have strained his leg romping around. He was sprinting all over the place and eating the snow (fresh, and the clumps off my boots!) and thoroughly enjoying himself. So as he naps, I work, both enjoying being cozy inside.
2) As I'm working, I'm also watching the inauguration festivities. Although I didn't vote for Obama and disagree with many of his policies, I am thankful to live in a country that 60 years ago was entangled in racism and civil unrest, and today, we swore in the first African American president. What an amazing step. He is my leader now, and so I will pray for his protection and divine guidance as he leads our country.
3) I am also thankful for my Amazon gift card, which allowed me to buy a new digital camera for $50. Sounds cheap, doesn't it? The camera was ranked as one of the top 5 options by cnet.com though, so I'm thinking I'll love it. Plus, it's a Canon, and I loved my old Canon (until it went kaput a few weeks ago) so I have high hopes...4) Lastly, but certainly not in the least, I am thankful for the way God has worked in my life and Adrian's life to bring us together and share a common vision for our future - together. I spent the weekend with him, ringing in a new year of life for us of knowing each other: The 18th was our 1 year anniversary of meeting. We also celebrated a new year of life for him: He turned 30 Monday! It was a wonderful weekend of being together, eating delicious food (he cooked for me! yummy), gift-giving and remembering all the good things God has given us. I am unbelievably blessed to be his girlfriend and to stand alongside him as the Lord grows him into an even more incredibly Godly man.

Happy birthday!!

2009-01-15T15:25:00.002-05:00

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, dear parents, happy birthday, to you!

Happy birthday to my Mama (Jan. 15) and Daddy (Jan. 14)!

Take heed!

2009-01-15T09:25:00.004-05:00

Just a quick word of warning to my fellow blonds out there (and to those who may have "blond roots"): Always check batteries.

When taking batteries out of an electric device and plugging them into the charger to recharge them, always first check to make sure they are, in fact, RECHARGEABLE batteries. This is vitally important.

If you don't check them, but instead, hastily take them out of your camera, plug them into the wall charger and walk away for a day, you may find yourself with a lot of leaky batteries, and battery acid all over your jeans. I'm just saying.

My recommendation on determining exactly what kind of batteries you're dealing with?
A) Actually looking at the batteries.
B) Plugging them into the wall charger, waiting a day, and then finding yourself with exploded batteries and battery acid on your clothing.

Option A folks. Always check your batteries. Oy vey!

Home again, home again, jiggity jig

2009-01-13T18:30:00.004-05:00

If a week at home with family, followed by two weeks in Europe isn't enough to turn my brain to mush, sitting through a 7 hour Content Management System training session will definitely do it.

Welcome back to the real world, huh?

I got home from M-ville last night, unpacked my car and my suitcases, caught up with two of my besties from college, and put together a bookshelf. This morning, I was up and at 'em early, getting me to work right on time. I was feeling pretty good about life until the day-long training session at work reminded me that I am back in "normal life."

In order to ease my transition back to life here, I comforted myself with a Dr. P and a burrito from Moe's for lunch (It's good to be back in the States!)

What's NOT good? The enormous headache, stomachache and loss of brain function I endured after eating all that junk food...at least it tasted yummy while it lasted!!

So, my thoughts after being back for 24 hours to the real world: I'm ready to escape. Come quickly, Friday night!

Last...

2009-01-09T05:45:00.004-05:00

This is my last post from Amsterdam.
Today is my last day in the city.
I just put up my last installment of pictures from here.
I just finished my last bit of classwork for the trip.

Since my exam is finished, class is over, pictures are posted, and the afternoon awaits, I am off to go do some SHOPPING!! If you're not on Facebook, here is the link to the second photo album of pictures: Click here. For the first album, scroll down and find the link, 3 or 4 posts back, I think.

Thanks for your prayers for me on this journey. Read below to catch up on more of the "deep things" I have been learning while I've been here. It's been good, but I am ready to come home. I will see you, my loved ones, in the next few days!! Pray for safe journeys tomorrow (I leave at noon here, 6 am Eastern time), and arrive at 9 pm Eastern time, 3 am Amsterdam time. So, much love to all, and I'll see you soon!

Sounds and His strength

2009-01-08T11:17:00.002-05:00

Today is Thursday, and the second to last day in the city for my team.

It has been a busy and full two weeks, and I am beyond the exhausted point. I haven’t been sleeping well this week, usually waking up around 4-4:30 am for a while with my thoughts racing and my room unbearably hot. I have taken to sleeping with one of the windows open, as crazy as that sounds. Not only does it provide a decent temperature to sleep in (until my 4 am wake-ups), but it allows me to go to sleep listening to the sounds of the city.

While a much quieter city than many I have slept in, Amsterdam still has its noises. There are usually mopeds and Vespas making a high-pitched whine on the street outside, jolly young men shouting and laughing in a group as they walk below the window, a low whistle of a lone person walking home, and the occasional “toot-toot” of a car horn or “ding-ding” of a bicycle bell.

For most people, smells are the link to memories. While certainly still a very strong link to the past for me, I also tend to associate certain sounds with a place I have been. Chugging diesel engines bring back Costa Rica. Tropical birds and easy rivers bring back Ecuador. Loud car horns and yelling take me back to Italy. I think it will be gentle and persistent dinging of bicycle bells I take with me from Amsterdam.

Even though I still have a day left in the city, my heart and my thoughts are on their way back home to those I love and miss. I have enjoyed my time here immensely, although it was much different than I thought it would be. Combining the pressures of work (why I am on this trip), class (what has kept my mind occupied during the days), and ministry (what we’ve been “doing” in the afternoons, but which needs to become a lifestyle for me) has been interesting. It has been a great learning experience to see how I (don’t) handle those pressures, and to realize how little I am, and how unable I am of doing anything big for God on my own. I can’t do it.

I can’t strike up conversations about the Gospel on my own strength. I can’t control my tongue when I am tired on my own strength. I can’t write an article that will inspire everyone to move overseas on my own strength. I can’t….Praise God that I don’t have to do any of it on my own strength, that He wants me to do it in His strength, if only I will relinquish. In my weakness, his strength is made perfect.

So whether I am listening to bicycle bells, loud car horns, the singing of birds, or just the sweet sounds of my loved ones around me, I am thankful for the reminder this week that I can’t do it on my own, but that I have a Savior who carries the load for me.

We've come to declare...

2009-01-06T04:10:00.003-05:00

The glory of the Lord.

That is why I am here in Amsterdam - To declare the glory of the Lord. However, I am finding it harder than I expected, both within myself and within the circumstances I find myself in.

Here's an excerpt from my journal last night to help you understand what I mean: "Here in Amsterdam, the lostness is so close, so prevalent, so cloying and so overwhelming that I fear I am mentally and emotionally shutting down. Rather than fully grasping what the lostness of this city means, I am turning my attention too often to petty things – usually issues with people. It allows me to keep trucking without completely shutting down, as I feel like I want to do. So as I was pondering it tonight, I thought to myself, “Why should the lostness of these people bother me?” My answer is twofold: Because God is not being glorified as he ought to be, and because the people don’t know the unsearchable riches of Christ and their lives are not being lived abundantly.

So then, how do I go about fixing my heart? Obviously, only the Lord can fix it, break it, and make it so passionate about him that it motivates me to share with people more than I am doing. In allowing him to do that though, I think I need to think on two things: Who God is – His glory, love, salvation and qualities; and what he has done for me. Out of a heart motivated by love for God, and a mind motivated by the thoughts of what God has done for me can I even begin to address the problems of faith in this culture."

So, that's where I'm at. I want my heart to be broken for these people - to care desperately about their spiritual needs and spiritual welfare. Rather than be scared by the darkness around me, I want to have compassion on the people who walk in darkness and declare the glory of the Lord to them. This afternoon, as I visit a mosque and watch the call to prayer and the ritualistic prayers, it will be MY prayer that we, as believers, will have humble hearts, bold tongues, compassionate natures, and eyes to see God's glory. Please join me in that prayer today.

Updated photo link

2009-01-05T05:20:00.003-05:00

Hey everyone - I'm sitting in class, hearing from a local church planter about what to expect when going out into the Muslim communities. It's a whole different ballgame than last week. I'm curious/excited/nervous about this week, but that's not a whole lot different than my emotions last week. I'm still just praying God will give me His eyes to see all the people as He does, and to have my heart break for the lostness around me.

Anyways, this is just a quick post to give an updated link for the Facebook photos. Sorry the last one no longer works - I think since I changed the name of the album it made the link defunct. Anyways, enjoy!

Facebook album: Amsterdam:Holland

A Dutch Weekend

2009-01-04T07:51:00.001-05:00

So much for rest! This weekend has been good, but short, and I still have quite a bit going on, not including the dire need for sleep and a book to read!

Yesterday I spent the day with teammates BJ and Jen, and we met up with a couple Jen had met in Thailand. Arthur and Sharon spent time with Jen, Adrian and other members of the team to Thailand in July, and they have kept up with them. Adrian and Jen both wanted me to meet them, and I am so glad I did! They are a wonderful couple – Very friendly, open to talking, funny, and just enjoyable. We spent most of the day just walking around the city, shopping a bit, and getting to know them. They even took us for a typical Dutch meal! I ate minced meat roulade with red cabbage and boiled potatoes. It was pretty tasty. I also learned during that meal that the Netherlands and Holland are all the same land. I had been told that Holland was a region of the Netherland, but not so, apparently. The same landmass has always gone by the two names simulatenously. Interesting, no?

This morning I didn’t make it to the church service I was supposed to go to (bus situation mix-up), so I will go in a few hours to the 4 o’clock service. Instead I went to the Ryjks Museum, where I saw works by Rembrandt and Vermeer. Really amazing stuff in person. It’s not my typical style I enjoy, but I couldn’t help myself when I really saw the difference in quality! Then, I walked through the park, thinking and praying and watching the dogs. All of them stayed willingly with their owners, without leashes!! Ben definitely needs to step up his game! ;)

Anyways, I’m off to find some lunch and then go to church at 4 (10 am Eastern time). Afterwards, I am working with BJ on some stuff for the office. Everyone have a blessed Sunday. Also, if you’re reading this and you have had access to the true Gospel message your whole life, praise God right now. SO many people here can’t say that – They have never heard the Gospel message before, because the churches here either don’t preach and teach it, or because they don’t know a single believer. Ask the Lord of the harvest to send workers out into the field.

Stretching hurts.

2009-01-02T08:46:00.001-05:00

Hi bloggies – Thanks for checking in! There’s a lot to share about how things are going here, but let’s just say I am being stretched!

It has been hard for me to force myself out of my comfort zone to talk to people. I don’t mean the average, “How ya doing? Where you from?” kind of conversations, but instead those conversations that I try to turn from the surface to deeper, spiritual issues. Some of them have been easier to “turn” than others: Franz, for example.

Franz is a man I met with one of the guys in the group yesterday. He owns a wine cellar in the area known as de Jordain. Upon asking him his philosophy on what makes a good wine, Franz made it really easy to transition into a conversation about spiritual matters. We covered all kinds of topics: Expectation vs. trust, the “lack of a need for hope,” man’s fears, solutions to fears, and more. Eddie presented the Gospel clearly to him, but he has been reading and studying and hardening his heart since childhood, when he first began to formulate this concept of “Life unfolds and what matters is how my reactions make me happy or not.” He was very adamant in the conversation, refuting so many things I believe and know to be true, and I just praised the Lord that I knew the truth and that it is more than a logical progression of thoughts. He admitted he thought we didn’t think for ourselves and challenged us to “think rationally,” yet complimented us and said he thoroughly enjoyed “the intriguing conversation and the intellectual copulation.” His words – not mine.

God’s hand in the whole thing was so evident though – from the store we went into (2 good little Southern Baptist going into a wine shop, ha!) to Eddie asking the initial question (not something I would have asked) to Franz’s response, which so easily lent itself to starting a deep conversation. It was clearly the Lord. I had prayed that afternoon that it be clear to me that any conversation I had that afternoon would obviously be guided by the Lord.

I am also being stretched within myself, re-learning to what it means to die to self. I am having trouble with my attitude in relation to some of the people I’m here with, so God is stretching me and forcing me to bite my tongue, swallow my pride, and love on people. I just need to do that a WHOLE LOT more!

As I get to the end of my first week here, please just ask that God would continue to open doors for conversations about him, that he would restore our weary minds and bodies, that he would create and mend relationships and that above all, our actions would be glorifying to him.

Thanks, friends! I appreciate your prayer support!

Quick glimpse.

2009-01-01T05:30:00.002-05:00

Last night was New Year's Eve, which means I rang in the new year 6 hours ahead of most of you. It also means I am EXHAUSTED in class this morning, and not really mentally here.

Therefore, instead of words, here are some pictures to show you how the trip is going. They're the same ones on Facebook, but here's a link for those of you not on FB.

Enjoy!

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2025431&l=b6cf3&id=18110003

Thoughts on Faithfulness

2008-12-31T04:00:00.004-05:00

As I type this, I am sitting in the Hard Rock Cafe Amsterdam, enjoying the free wi-fi and watching the boats troll up and down the canal outside the glass wall. The city is waking up a bit earlier this morning, it seems.

Yesterday, our first day of class, the city seemed to stay in bed much later than I was allowed to. This morning, in anticipation of today's New Year's Eve festivities, the people of the city are out and about already.

I'm excited about today.

Yesterday, the feelings I had included trepidation, fear, discomfort and more. Yesterday, while our first day of class, was also the first day to go out into the city and meet people with the express purpose of engaging them with the Gospel message. For someone who likes to have a purpose, who likes to build relationships, and who is always wary of random people starting conversations with me, this endeavor felt a bit like a dishonest ambush on the people of Amsterdam.

After several attempts, mostly unsuccessful, I was able to meet a girl about my age named Una. Una was Serbian, who had lived in North Holland most of her life and was preparing to move to Germany to start her life over. Getting into our conversation, she quite proudly told me how open-minded she was, and I quickly saw how our conversation essentially followed the map of "ministering to a post-moderns." Although no claim for Christ was made, or even anything close to it, the Lord used the experience with her and with the others whom I'd tried to get into conversation with to open my eyes to some things. Therefore, some conclusions about myself/ministry/God.

1) God does not need me to "do evangelism." The Holy Spirit can draw people to Himself without any successes or failures on my part.
2) What is success or failure in missions? I am only called to be faithful, to share the message, and let the Lord take care of people's souls.
3) My excuses: I like to build relationships, not just start conversations; it's uncomfortable to talk to strangers (Stranger Danger!), I'm being dishonest if I'm not up-front about my desire to share Jesus with them, striking up conversations without having a legitimate "reason" just isn't "me"... These excuses are all just that: Excuses. I have been fearing myself, other people and their reactions, and discomfort FAR more than I fear God. How arrogant and wrong of me.

The Lord has given me this incredible opportunity to serve Him. He doesn't ask me to save the world, he only asks me to tell people how He has saved me. In doing that, I am being obedient. In telling the story of God, I am being faithful. In telling of His glory, He is being glorified by my life. That is where I want to be.

Hitting the (european) ground running....

2008-12-29T09:11:00.002-05:00

Hi blog readers! This is just a quick little note to let you know I made it safely to Amsterdam and into my hotel. There was a bit of turbulence on the plane, but the Lord guided us through it and safely to our hotel! I was able to walk around downtown for a little bit this afternoon with two others from the group and get a better feel for the city.

I love Europe. It would be ridiculously hard to live here, financially, but it’s got such a cool vibe. I’m a big fan of bicycles, pink mopeds, history, delicious bagel sandwiches, trams, great fashion, wonderful old architecture, big parks, and over-priced everything….Ok, maybe not a fan of the last one, but everything else, yes.

I’m pretty exhausted with only about 3 hours of sleep (at most) under my belt, so I’m going to take a nap before dinner. I’ll try and post more details later, along with things you might be interested in, but for now, here’s a picture of me and Jen, one of the girls on the trip, as we explored the city! Love the architecture and the canals, don’t you?

I wish you all could be here experiencing this with me, but since that’s not the case for now, please go before the Lord in prayer on behalf of myself and my team! Pray for the Holy Spirit to make a way to talk with people and that He would be softening their hearts even now. Ask for boldness on our parts, discerning eyes to see people receptive to the Word, and rest and good health to sustain us. Also, pray for team unity. There are a lot of different types of people on this trip, and we’ll be spending a lot of time together. Pray we would love each other the way God loves us – unconditionally, despite our faults, and without regard to our amount of reciprocated love. Thanks so much!

Tomorrow begins the adventure...

2008-12-27T19:48:00.002-05:00

My flight leaves for Amsterdam tomorrow at 2:30. Am I ready? Notsomuch.

I still am trying to pack, need to do dinner with the fam, pay bills, see a friend, sleep....Plus, did I mention I was sick, sick, sick yesterday? I was. Really grossly sick.

So, as I finish up things here at the house, make a dash for the airport tomorrow, and try to keep all of my food in my body, please pray for me.

As the people of Amsterdam go about their daily lives, many of them lost and hopeless, please pray for them.

This trip, although for work, is also a time I am looking forward to to learn. I'll be taking classes on post-modernism and western Islam, and hopefully learning how to better engage the culture around me with the life-changing message of the Gospel. Please pray I would be filled with the Holy Spirit, and the love and compassion of God for a broken world. Please pray too, that the Holy Spirit would soften the hearts of the people I will encounter and that He will even now, begin drawing people to himself.

Thanks for lifting us (myself, the team, and those we'll encounter) up to the Lord. Please check back here for updates as the journey unfolds... Much love - Lauren

Christmas gifts and blessings

2008-12-24T10:56:00.000-05:00

This Christmas Eve morning, I am enjoying waking up and slowly beginning my day. As I'm lounging in bed reflecting on what stands in front of us, and as I think about the year that lies behind us, I cannot but help be filled with an overwhelming sense of awe and wonder at the glory of God and how bit by bit, it is revealed to us.

In an effort to better understand the implications of "Christmas," that is, the birth of Christ, which we celebrate this time of year, I have been looking at the Old Testament and Luke, to get a better grasp on exactly how it was that the birth of the Lord fulfilled so many hundreds of prophecies. (If you've never studied some of the prophecies Christ fulfilled, around 425 I think, I'd encourage you to do so today.)

I was looking yesterday at Christ's coming as the beginning of the new covenant, and reading in Jeremiah 31. What a BEAUTIFUL picture of the coming restoration Messiah would bring! It is this restoration - the new covenant - that was heralded the night Christ was born.

More than a baby, who would be King, Jesus Christ was God himself clothed in human flesh, come to reconcile humanity to the Holy God. Jeremiah 31:11 shows that "The Lord will ransom Jacob and redeem them from the hand of those stronger than they." Who is stronger than those who believe in the Lord, for "if God is for us, who can be against us?" The answer is that only God is stronger, as his judgment was against us as sinners.

The coming of Christ was more than the birth of a baby, it was the fulfillment of an incredible promise. We were promised death and destruction, as we have all done wrong against the Lord, who, as the perfect Judge, has to administer justice against our sin. However, He also promises that with the coming of His Son, Messiah, he would also intercede for us and stay his wrath against us, and redeem us from his own hand. What a beautiful picture! On one hand you have perfect judgment, and on the other hand, you have perfect redemption. One we deserve, the other we could never deserve or earn. One we can avoid, and one we can joyfully accept.

This Christmas season, rather than focusing on the pretty lights, or time with family, or the newest gadget we want to get, focus on this, the real meaning of Christmas: 2,000+ years ago, our promised opportunity at redemption came as the King humbled himself to become human, offered his own life and sinless nature as the perfect sacrifice for our sins, and became not only our Judge, but our Great High Priest, who lives now to intercede on our behalf.

Praise God!

Preparing my heart for what lies ahead

2008-12-18T22:32:00.002-05:00

After tomorrow, life is going to be crazy for a little bit.

Life is always crazy with me, I believe, but circumstantially, it's going to be even more crazy for a few weeks. I'm heading home for a good long rest (I hope) full of good food, good movies, and good times with dear friends.

Then, after Christmas (Christmas shopping? Nope, haven't done it. At all.) I'm leaving home sweet home for Amsterdam! I am getting more excited by the day! I love Europe. Something about all the beautiful architecture, history, coffee, culture....It's such a treat, and I am way excited to spend a couple weeks taking it all in in Amsterdam. In addition to working, taking classes, and meeting some great people, I'm really praying it will be an opportunity for my heart to be broken.

Does that sound weird? I often feel I live in a bubble - one that is insulated from the real world, just because of the circumstances I find myself in most of the time - but one which I must break out of if I am ever going to be effective for the Kingdom. I want my heart to break for the people who walk in darkness. I want to feel compassion and love for the people of God who don't know him, instead of feeling sarcastic and cynical, as I often do when faced with unknown people and situations.

My prayer for this trip is that God would cultivate in me a heart that truly does beat for His people, and an attitude of urgency in sharing with them the greatest news ever - that we are in desperate need of reconciliation with the Holy God, and through his own sacrifice, we can be brought into right relationship with Him.

This Christmas season, praise God for His Son who was born with the express purpose of bringing sinful people like myself into a relationship with Himself where he can show us His love and mercy and grace....forever, and ever, and ever. Praise Him.

May our hearts and our lives be evident of His love, and may we be worthy of this incredible blessing.

Starting new....

2008-12-16T08:39:00.002-05:00

God is doing mighty things in my heart and my life, and for that I praise him with all I have! All morning, "How can I keep from singing His praise? I know I am loved by the King, and it makes my heart want to sing," has been going through my head. Later on I'll fill you in on some of the details of how I have seen God working, but for now, just rejoice with me that he makes all things new.

Speaking of new, today is a new beginning for me - the beginning of a new year of life! That's right, yours truly hit "mid-20s" mark today at the ripe old age of 24. I'll be taking donations of gift cards, books, music, and free vacations. Thank you ;) I'm celebrating tonight with sweet friends at the Cheesecake Factory! Yum!!

Anyways - I just wanted to share that God is good....Really amazing, and I am infinitely blessed, both today and forever.

An analogy for the day

2008-12-11T11:18:00.004-05:00

Someone I love once turned me on to the beauty of analogies in conveying concepts and ideas. So, in an effort to more aptly share what it is God has been teaching me, here I go with an analogy...

Just like the opening lines of the song that is playing, "The pathway is broken and the signs are unclear, and I don't know the reason why You brought me here," I am in a place in life where the signs are unclear and I'm not entirely certain where I am supposed to be going or what I am supposed to be doing in the meantime.

I have two turtles (long story....but yes, I am aware that I am weird.). Splash and Scooter live in a 50 gallon tank, and while it is sufficiently big enough for them to happily live, they pollute the water with all kinds of nastiness. As they get fed, they often reject some of the food I provide for them. As they grow, the slough off dead skin cells, which make the water cloudy. And then, of course, the normal everyday waste builds up, just as a product of living.

Sunday, enough was enough. The water was murky enough to where I couldn't even see the turtles in there, much less believe they had a quality of life that was conducive to their growth as turtles. So, I took them out of the tank, put them in a small, dry, high-walled holding pen while I completely emptied the tank, cleaned out the junk of their lives, and then re-filled it. While they waited, unable to see or comprehend what I was doing, they struggled to get out of their temporary holding cell, several times jumping out of it and landing in a place they couldn't survive in. Once the tank was clean again, I gave them the necessary nutrients for a healthy life, fed them again, and enjoyed watching them happily resume a good quality of life.

Maybe our lives are kind of like those turtles. We live in a murky world of our own making - one filled with the remnants of our pasts and the rejection of good gifts. Our Maker desires for us to take everything he gives us and put it to proper use, so as not to "cloud the water," but all too often we reject it and allow those things that were intended as gifts to instead become hindrances to our seeing clearly. Thus, we can only see clearly when God sees fit to remove the muck and junk from our lives - not before and not by anything we do.

In the middle of the cleaning out process, we feel trapped, and unable to see what good this is doing us and where we are to go from here. Therefore, we struggle against the walls of our "safe zone" because it feels like a trap, tiring ourselves out, and sometimes launching ourselves into a place of danger we were never intended to be in - a place that certainly, if we continue to struggle to live in on our own, will eventually be our death. Instead, we must wait patiently for our Maker to place us back into the place we were intended to live in, the one filled with gifts and the necessary things to survive and thrive, and the place where things are clearly seen, knowing He wants what is best for us and will bring us abundant life.

What do you think about my "analogizing?" Maybe it's a bad one, but it has helped me to see things a lot clearer this week. I am left wondering what good things God is trying to give me that I am rejecting or misusing, thus allowing my life to be clouded to a point where I can't see. In the middle of these times of questions, I am learning what it means to trust: Trust that God is doing something good for me, even if I can't tell what it is, and trust that he loves me and desires for me to live an abundant life, His way.

God, give me faith like this!

2008-12-09T15:35:00.003-05:00

There are so many things that make me thankful for the life I lead here, but one of them struck me especially today: I am thankful to be surrounded by "such a great cloud of witnesses."

Both in my job and my classes, I have numerous opportunities to sit under the guidance and direction (even if for just a brief time) of men and women who are spiritual inspirations. Today in one of my classes, I had the opportunity to hear from a young couple not much older than myself who have been through the fire and are living testimonies of God's faithfulness and goodness.

Briefly, and without going into too much personal detail: They were living and working in Asia as church planters. Last year at just about this time, they were pregnant, and discovered their baby daughter had some complications. After being flown to the best hospital available, their daughter was born with a disorder that causes fluid buildup where it ought not be. She lived for about half a day, and then went home to be with the Lord.

This couple stood in front of our class today, with tears in their eyes, and testified to the faithfulness of God. He was with them in that dark time through the ministry of their organization, through their friends, and through His word. After burying her in the United States, they returned to the field to continue the work God had called them to.

The thing that stands out to me from their testimony is this statement, "It was all worth it."

What an amazing testimony! May God give me strength, when I face the dark times of life, to also be able to say that "it was all worth it." Worth it for the joy of seeing people meet Jesus through it, and worth it for the incredible joy of knowing God more deeply and seeing his glory more fully.

"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead." - Philippians 3:7-11

I would never make it in Hollywood.

2008-12-08T09:33:00.006-05:00

I seem to be easily starstruck. By that, I don't mean I become a crazy rabid fan of some teeny-bopper idol, but I have this habit....When I am at a concert, and the opportunity presents itself to meet the musician, I usually try and take it, and I usually make a fool out of myself in the process.

Example A: Weekend Excursion
In high school my group of friends loved this song called "Moving On" by a little underground band named Weekend Excursion. At one of their concerts one night at Blue Cats in Knoxville, I got lucky enough to chat with the band before the show started. I was doing OK until I met the hot drummer, who had a completely normal name that I somehow massacred into "Cas," and then proceeded to call him - to his face - for the rest of the conversation. When he politely corrected me, I did some awkward hand motion and told him I was on a new name kick and was renaming everyone with unique names....Really?
EDIT: I just looked up his name and his name WAS Cas!! What on Earth was I calling him? Daggumit for forgetting and getting stories wrong...Eh, gimme a break - It was like 6 years ago.

Example B: Sister Hazel
At one of the Sister Hazel concerts I went to (yes, "one of" them...I've seen them quite a bit), my friends and I arrived slightly late to the stage area because we were riding one of the rides (the concert and rides were part of a summer festival). Every time they had a pause between songs, the 4 of us screamed out, "Champagne High!!" which was our favorite song...Much to our embarrassment, at the end of the show, one of the onlookers kindly informed us they actually opened the show with Champagne High, so we had been screaming/requesting the name of the first song they sang. When we met the lead singer after the show (duh...We had to get out t-shirts signed!) we apologized "for screaming for Champagne High between every song, but it's our favorite and would you mind to sing it for us now?"

So he did. We were personally serenaded by the lead singer of Sister Hazel with Champagne High. It was awesome.

Example C: Shane & Shane
Let me be clear from the outset here: I was not hitting on them, as BJ insinuated. While I think their music is amazing, they are a) married and b) not my type. Ok, moving on...

Last night, at the Phil Wickham, Bethany Dillon, Shane & Shane concert, I perfected the trifecta of embarresing meet and greets. As I was sitting waiting on the concert to start, I saw the Shanes chilling about 10 feet away and wanted to meet them/get my photo with them. I drug T along with me, even though she didn't want to go, and hovered near them until they weren't talking to any other fans. What proceeded out of my mouth was something like this.... "Um, by the way my name is Lauren. It's been kind of a rough month, and so I've been listening to Psalms constantly. So, I just wanted to thank you for that CD and thank you for writing it. I mean...Iknowyoudidn'twriteit - God did. But thanks for putting the words to music, because, as I'm sure you know, hearing the words in music helps me absorb them better. So thanks. Bytheway - Can I get a picture with you?"

Do I look flushed and embarressed? Because I was.
Hey - I never claimed to be a master at verbal communication!

That's all the stories I can muster up for now...I won't mention my almost-severely-awkward encounter with Dave Barnes...Stay classy, fellow starstruck fans :)

Good news or bad news first?

2008-12-06T18:00:00.002-05:00

Well, the good news is that I finished my hermeneutics papers and I'm off to go watch Handel's Messiah.

The bad news is Ben just had diarrhea....in my living room. Sick.

I thought weekends were supposed to be better than the weeks? What happened to that concept? Instead I'm spending my Saturdays writing papers and cleaning up after my dog....Oh well, it's a character-building opportunity I guess, right? Right....

Broke? He is too....

2008-12-05T10:39:00.002-05:00

Just a thought to try next time you don't have money to pay bills....It didn't work out so well for David Thorne, but hey, he's in Australia. Maybe it will work in the US:

Thorne, who lives in Adelaide, Australia, tried to "pay off" his electric bill by drawing a spider, e-mailing it to the company and rendering it as payment. Needless to say, the company wouldn't accept a drawing instead of money, regardless of how good the spider looked or how many legs it had.... Read the whole story here.

Although the drawing may not have been worth the $233.95 to the electric company, some idiot on EBay apparently found it worth $10,000 ($15,000 in Australia) as he "entered into a binding contractual agreement" for that amount for the drawing. Although Patrick Munoz said his bid was a joke, he's legally obligated to pay the seller that amount, regardless of how serious he was in his bid!

My question is: If Thorne still owes the electric company money, and Ebay idiot still owes the picture's seller (not Thorne) money, who is actually ending up in the black?

Who's the joke on now? The electric company, who could have owned the $10,000 spider; David Thorne, who gave the picture to the man who sold it for $10,000; or Patrick Munoz, who is legally bound by the T&C on Ebay to pay that amount for a hand-drawn spider with seven legs....

*ding, ding, ding* Ladies and gentlemen, I think we have a winner. Sheesh.

One of those days

2008-12-04T10:13:00.003-05:00

Today is just "one of those days." I can already tell, and it's only 10:15 in the morning.

Upon waking, I found that I have somehow strained my back, probably from bad posture while sitting at the computer ALL FLIPPING DAY. I have been working on papers, etc., and have yet to actually be really productive at churning out words for them in order to finish. Funny, huh? Lack of things to say is rarely a problem for me.

Also upon waking, I discovered that it was really late....late, as in "I am supposed to be at work in 10 minutes kind of late." Granted, I'm not on time anyways, but this was bad, even for me. Gotta love baby powder for days like this for turning that two-day old hair blond again :)

On my way (almost) out the door, my darling pooch decided to throw a hissy-fit when it came time for him to go to the porch. Nevermind that it was a warmer morning and the porch comes equipped with chew toys, breakfast, fresh water and sunshine....He was having none of it. He throws his body to the ground, rolls on his back, opens his mouth and proceeds to wiggle/bite/claw/scratch my hands away whenever I try to grab his collar. I finally got ahold of him and went to go throw him outside, only to *ahem* forcefully open the porch door, right into my own face. Needless to say - it left a mark.

So here I sit, with work to do and papers to write, with a knot on my forehead and my heating pad on my back...Is it the weekend yet?

Overrun....

2008-12-03T10:25:00.003-05:00

My office is overrun with ladybugs.

I just counted 30, including a baby ladybug.

Why is my workspace an insect breeding ground??

Three-Thought Tuesday

2008-12-02T16:28:00.003-05:00

Three main things on my mind today:

1) www.noisetrade.com
This website is AWESOME! I downloaded several CDs for free (including Derek Webb's, Sandra McCracken's, Sixpence None the Richer's and Joe Garner's, my former boss at Union). All you have to do is recommend the CD to 5 people and it gives you a code to download the CD! I'm thoroughly enjoying my new, completely free, completely legal musical selections.

2) My grandma
Yesterday, before I left home, I went by with Daddy to see my grandma, who is 92. We looked in the window and didn't see her in her bed or in her wheelchair, so we went inside and asked the nurse where she was. Supposedly she was in her room, so we went to check, and sure enough, she was in her room, albeit laying on the floor, unable to move. She had fallen out of her chair trying to get into bed and couldn't call for help. She said her spine hurt (perhaps her tailbone, she has fractured it before), but her hips (both of which have been broken) seemed OK.

The sad part was that she began asking me why the Lord still has her here, and why she is still alive. I didn't know what to say, except that only God knows why she is still here, but as long as she is alive he has a reason for it, and we have to trust him, because he sees the big picture and we do not. The only thing that seemed to perk her up from my advice was me telling her Brian and I would be home at Christmas and would get to spend some time with her. She mis-heard me and thinks I am getting married at Christmas, so she's excited about that....Haha.

3) God's goodness

Not to sound like a "thus saith the Lord" kind of person, but God spoke so clearly and so sweetly to me yesterday, that I am left in awe. There have been questions I desperately wanted to ask, but realized it is not my place to ask, and not my place to know until/if he decided to reveal it to me...Reveal He did! Last night the veil lifted from in front of my face; the veil which I have felt has been obscuring the lessons I am supposed to be learning and understanding. Yesterday, for the first time, God lifted the veil and gave me answers to those very questions I was refusing to ask. The answer didn't come in the form of a verbal word from God, but from His Scripture, the faithful teaching of His word, and the work of the Holy Spirit in my heart. I'm not saying I fully understand or see everything, but He has given me enough insight to calm my heart and glory in His name! I didn't NEED the answer, I only needed to trust him. However, in this section of my "faith walk", I am learning to trust without questioning, yet God simultaneously is answering those very questions I have had! He is opening my eyes to new truths and new lessons. All I can say is that He is amazing, and oh so good!

That's all for today :) Hope it's been a great Tuesday for you!

Final Stretch....

2008-11-30T20:30:00.002-05:00

And so begins the countdown to Christmas break, and all that that entails.

Thanksgiving was really good: Good time with family, good laughs, great food, and some time to rest and collect myself before entering into the homestretch of my year.

Top ten things I enjoyed about my time in St. Louis:
1) Catching up with my family, my cousin Angie especially. It's always good to have girl chat :)
2) All the amazing food we consumed. So stinking good. I only hope some of the Miller cooking talent gets passed down to me....Hopefully it will show itself sometime soon?
3) Watching some good old boys and girls breaking it down at Fast Eddies. They are either fearless or drunk, but man...those dance skills are a force to be reckoned with!
4) Watching my brother dance with my aunt. They both loved it.
5) Watching my Mom dance with some guy MY age, who asked her (During "Brown Eyed Girl") "Are your eyes blue? Smooth operator, that one.
6) The zoo. It's so good, and completely free! I loved seeing the seals and bears get fed and the little tiger cubs run and pounce! It makes me excited to get to Thailand and hold some frisky little "kittens."
7) Sleeping late and naps. So marvelous, and so infrequently done lately in my life!
8) Commiserating with my Dad over our unbelievably sucky bowling games.
9) Getting a strike in bowling....It was no turkey, like I got last year, but hey - I take what I can get!
10) Spending time with the Lord. I have gotten done some reading and journaling, and I am so thankful for who God is and where he has me right now!

So, it was a nice little break, albeit, not so productive on the school front for me :( I'll be nose to the grindstone this week and the beginning of next until finals are over, and then I'll be DONE with my first semester of seminary. So, I'm looking forward to all my fun Christmas events, but learning to enjoy life right now, this moment and this day, because it's a gift from the Lord.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving....Now it's time for CHRISTMAS!!

Giving Thanks

2008-11-27T13:31:00.003-05:00

I am about to go destroy some turkey, dressing and mashed potatoes, so I'll make this quick :)

Things I am giving thanks for today:
-The One who is my Savior, Best Friend, Redeemer, Lord, King, Comforter, Provider, Great High Priest, and God.
He has given me so many good gifts, including:
-Himself
-Salvation
-Family, both blood-relations and my Church family
-Friends, both human and canine :)
-Love: What an incredible thing to give and recieve
-A great job in the midst of economic uncertainty
-Safety
-A roof over my head
-Provisions of food and sustenance
-Health
-Technology wich makes things easier
-Discipline, which makes things harder, but makes us holier
-Purpose in life
-Faith

That's all for now. Those things can be "unpacked" and expounded upon, but you get the idea. There is so much to be thankful for, and none of it apart from the incredible blessings and riches of Christ.

"Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth. Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations." -Psalm 100

So much to be thankful for....

2008-11-24T12:13:00.004-05:00

It's been serious on here for too long, no? God is good, life is good and here are some of the fun things going on in my life!!

Recent excitement includes:
Movies watched:
-Into the Wild (Beautiful, but tragic, and I knew what was going to happen!)
-Quantum of Solace (the new Bond movie...Well done, although I had a bit of a tough time following...haha)
Activities completed:
-Christmas tree lighting/Sip & Stroll at North Hills
Books bought:
-Aw, heck. I bought 26, so I won't list them all, but I bought a box of books at the Wake County Public Library sale for $5! Including some Dan Brown, John Grisham, random fiction books, some devotionals and some travel books!
Position Gained:
-Spot #3 in Fantasy Football. Watchout, gentlemen. Man Eaters moved up two spots to #3 this week! Thank you, Michael Turner :)

Future Excitement Includes:
Family time:
-First, time alone in the car with my Father, praying and singing when I hit the road in a couple of hours
-Secondly, time with my parents in the car on the way to "the Lou" tomorrow!
-QT with the Tuercranian clan for Thanksgiving - eating, laughing, playing cards, and playing ladder golf. "Worm burner" anyone?
Christmas parties and events:
-Girls night Christmas party
-Shane and Shane Christmas concert
-Department Christmas party
-Chocolate fountain Christmas party (hosted by yours truly)
-Office Christmas dinner
-BL College/Singles Christmas party
My birthday and birthday dinners with friends and family
Christmas break
-Spending time with my parents and Brian who is coming home!
-Catching up with friends from high school
-Having an adventure with Justin and Jamie
Future Trips:
-AMSTERDAM! I leave 3 days after Christmas. It's a work/mission/study trip, and I am so excited to get back to Europe, even if it will be frigid!
-What WON'T be frigid is my trip to MEXICO in April! Also a work trip, but on this one, I'll be teaching small children how to play baseball. Ha. But, I'll get to refresh my Spanish! Que bueno!
-Thailand trip is coming up in July! I'll be journeying to Southeast Asia (an region I have yet to step foot in!) for another work/mission/study trip. Have I mentioned lately I love my job? ;)

So, that's the update from here! Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, my sweet friends, and remember to be most thankful for the Gift-Giver Himself!

Out of the silence, and singing His praises

2008-11-23T16:11:00.006-05:00

Well, I'm back in the blogosphere. If you're reading this, thanks for sticking with me. :)

I don't know how to begin to summarize what has been going on in my life, my head, my heart and my spirit. There has been a lot, and although some of the lessons have been less-than-pleasant to go through, I am rejoicing that God is putting me through the tough times, because it's taking me to a deeper level of faith than I have been in before.

I have spoken the words of David this week when he said, "How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?" (Psalm 13) and "To you I call, O Lord, my Rock; do not turn a deaf ear to me. For if you remain silent, I will be like those who have gone down to the pit." (Psalm 27).

To find myself at a point where God is silent before me has been really hard. As long as I can remember, I have heard the voice of the Lord guiding me, comforting me and giving me peace. This week, nothing but silence stretched out in front of me, at a point when I feel I need it most. However, through the silence and the time of spiritual darkness, God has been good, and has been teaching me. Here are a few things I have learned/am still learning:

- The silence is a beautiful thing. In it, I am forced to stop the "temper tantrum" I am throwing, which is exhausting me, and just listen for the quiet whisper of the Lord.
- Even when I don't hear a whisper from God, I can be confident that HE IS STILL THERE. No matter what I am feeling, or how silent He may (seem to) be, I have faith that His presence is just as near as ever.
- Times of silence teach me to fall more in love with the Gift-Giver, rather than the gifts he gives or the words he speaks.
- When I seek him out of desperation, or because I want out of my circumstances or pain, I am not treating the Lord as he ought to be treated. Rather, I am treating him like a genie who should snap his fingers and change my life, instead of praising him for being God and doing and knowing what will bring him the most glory. I must learn to faithfully seek Him at all times, not only in rough times as a solution to pain, but out of a thankful heart as God.
- Sorrow may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning. He wants to turn our wailing into dancing. Even when we don't "feel" like rejoicing, we must, because He is God, and He is good, and that is enough.
- The silence has shown me those things I have been trusting in more than I trust in the Lord, and thankfully, God is merciful and forgives me for my idolatrous heart when I ask.
- His presence is something I will never lose, will always hunger for more of, and will never fully grasp. How deep the unsearchable riches of Christ!

I am discovering that even when things make me sad, God is using even those experiences to refine me and sanctify me, making me more holy and more fit for Him to use. Using the example of when Jesus broken the 5 loaves and fed 5,000 with it, I'm going to steal a line from one of my favorite books: "If my life is broken when given to Jesus, it is because pieces will feed a multitude, while a loaf will satisfy only a little lad."

Though it's been a rough week spiritually, I am here, and I am thankful. God is still God, no matter what petty issues of the heart come up in my life. I am so thankful He is breaking me, because I trust Him that the brokenness will make me holy, and the pieces will feed many, and more than just me. He gives all, and He asks all. Am I willing to surrender all?

I have spoken with David this week, crying out from the darkness of my heart for the Lord to not be silent and to hear me. He has also spoken to me this week, and all I can now do is echo David's words, "I will exalt you, O Lord, for you lifted me out of the depths. I called to you for help and you healed me...Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning."

Silence.....

2008-11-17T18:18:00.002-05:00

Three posts in a day. That might be a new record for me.

This one is just a quick note to let you guys know that I'm taking a break from blogging for a bit. I don't know how long, but I need to be quiet before the Lord and try and figure out what He is teaching me. My mind is jumbled and my heart strays so easily, so I need to cut out those things (however petty) that provide solace and comfort for me, including Facebook and blogging, so I can learn how to be comforted by the Lord and seek only Him. So, for now, I am going to try to be silent before a holy God and learn what I need to during this period of my life.

Thanks for reading. I would love it if you would pray for me during this time, that during this silence, God would reveal himself to me in new and fresh ways, that he would teach me what I need to know so I don't have to go through this again, and that my heart would be yielded only to him.

At some point, I will look forward to sharing what I have learned through this. Blessings - Lauren

When cultures collide...

2008-11-17T16:12:00.005-05:00

Thanks so much to my boss, Jason, for introducing me to this amazing video.

Check out this "ghetto" church choir. It is amazing how a group of old people can massacre and yet, make SOOOO much better some of these hip-hop classics, all at the same time.

Anyways, enjoy this little bit of amazingness, and I hope it improves your Monday as much as it has improved mine!!

PS - Scroll down just a tad and pause the music player before you play the video!

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.

Weary....

2008-11-17T10:31:00.002-05:00

I am so tired.

This weekend was a good time of celebrating a friend's birthday, helping out with Bay Leaf's Toy Chest ministry, and studying, but I am left just as tired after two days of "rest" as I was before. I have been working my little tail off to get things done for work and school (1 paper down, 3 to go), and I am ready for a break, but I have another week of stress to go before that happens.

At this point, I'd be really excited if I could get my brain to shut off for a little while. Does that sound strange, considering I need it to be functioning to get all of my assignments and papers done? I definitely need brain power to accomplish the things I need to do, but it would be delightful if, in the rare few moments of mental breaks from work/school, I could truly just mentally rest. Instead, I find that at those moments, my mind and my thoughts attack me, until I am even more mentally wound up from trying to sort through things.

I desire rest, and an end to my mental struggles, but I have a sneaky suspicion it's not over yet. I need time to think things through, pray them through and work them out with the Lord, but I don't see that happening for at least another week or so...Knowing that fact then - that I won't be able to diligently pray/think/wrestle these issues for another week - why can I not just be patient in the meantime?

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Lord, I beg you - free me from the prison of my own mind and my thoughts that drag me away from you. Fill me, and teach me to find rest and restoration in you and you alone.

SO.MUCH.TO.DO.

2008-11-13T16:40:00.002-05:00

Here is a snapshot of what my life looks like right now, just in case you'd like to lament and whine with me:

Work:
Schaeffer conference article (Done)
Outlook magazine preparations
- Library renovations (done)
- Re-write Patterson Hall dedication
- BOV recap
Alumni newsletter
Re-write Williamson article

School:
-Book review over Cross-Cultural Connections (lots of pages) - due Tuesday
-Book review over Breaking Missional Code (6-8 pages) - due Thursday
-Reading review over Questioning Evangelism (1 page) - due Thursday
-Paper over Jonah (5 single-spaced pages) - due Friday
-Book review over some hermeneutics book I don't even possess right now (no idea how long) - due Friday after Thanksgiving break
-Read Cross-Cultural Servanthood, Cross-Cultural Conflict, and Called to Reach (which I also do not yet possess) by the week after Thanksgiving break

Is it safe to say I've hit the freak out point? I would think so. This means grumpy/stressed Lauren will be out in full force probably for the next week, so I apologize in advance. Christmas break can't get here soon enough.

Wait for it....

2008-11-11T12:19:00.004-05:00

Waiting is hard to do for me. I tend to be an impatient person, which, as I am learning, is very un-Christ-like of me and a poor reflection of the immeasurable amount of patience the Lord has. One of the aspects of the fruit of the Spirit is patience, and when I don't have patience, it really is just me being unfaithful to God. Has he not promised to take care of me and reveal all things I need to know in His perfect timing? Of course he has. Now, I must wait for it.

"Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it. For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it lingers (or tarries), wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay." Habakkuk 2:3

Although this passage in Habakkuk speaks of the coming day of the Lord, it also speaks directly into my heart today, as I find myself in a "holding pattern," waiting and seeking direction from the Lord. Today, I am okay with waiting, for I know that which God has promised to me will happen, though likely in a way and time-frame of which I know nothing about.

Waiting is not a comfortable place for me, but it is in this time that I am finding myself on my knees the most, beseeching God to fill me with the Holy Spirit and patience and faithfulness. As I walk through this "valley of waiting" I am in, I am trying to drink deeply of the One who supplies peace like a river, restoration of the soul, and most importantly - the gift of Himself.

As I wait on answers to some very specific questions, I am realizing that this time is precious. In this waiting, I am coming to know my Savior more intimately, I am realizing His glory more fully, and I am recognizing more clearly how far off I am from worshiping and delighting in Him as I should be.

In the meantime, while those answers as yet tarry, God is keeping my mind and heart busy with others things - school (papers, book reviews, etc.), planning for my upcoming trip to Amsterdam, looking ahead to other work trips (so exciting, more to come at a later date!), looking forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas and my birthday....

Mostly, during this time, I am focusing on desiring God more, because it is only when I glory in Him will I find joy. More than my joy, though, is the realization that my joy in God is a fraction of the delight He gets as we delight in Him. That's what I want - For Him to be delighted and glorified in me. As Piper states - God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.

"For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God...For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." - Romans 4:20-25

And so....I wait patiently, delighting in the Lord...hoping, because it's not over yet.

The little things...

2008-11-08T21:50:00.002-05:00

God blesses me with so many good gifts.

Free steak dinners, late mornings in bed to the sound of rain, my darling dog, gorgeous fall weather, exciting excursions with precious friends, (early) Thanksgiving dinners with fun people....and laughter and the reminder of how sweet life is. Thank the Lord for the little things that point me back to Him and remind me of His great love.

My strength indeed is small

2008-11-06T16:11:00.004-05:00

Yesterday I prayed the Lord would hold tightly to me. Praise Him - He is holding onto me.

Today, my prayer is for understanding and wisdom.

"What do I need to learn from this, Lord? What are you trying to show me? Please, teach me in the way I should go, so I don't have to come back through this again. Incline my heart to your words, oh God. Open my eyes to your precepts. Draw me close to you. Satisfy me."

I hear the Savior say,
“Thy strength indeed is small;
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all."

"Yes, Lord. My strength and my faith are so tiny. Teach me to have faith. Show me how to be patient and draw near to you through prayer. Be my portion, today and forever, and change my unbelief into belief."

Barely holding on...

2008-11-05T11:41:00.003-05:00

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In Your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on (I'm holdin on)(I'm holdin on)
I'm barely holding on to You

I had no idea how hard it is to surrender something you so desperately want. I guess that's what God calls us to, isn't it? He wants us to surrender that which we most desire, so our desire is only for Him.

Lord, I'm trying to hold on to You, but I am so weak. In Your strength, hold on to me. Carry me through into your marvelous light, Lord.

Change

2008-11-04T16:11:00.002-05:00

It's amazing how in the blink of an eye, things change.

Hearts change, circumstances change, governments change, outlooks change, habits change and desires change.

Today, I'm thanking the Lord that no matter what changes come at me in this life, He is rock-solid. He stands steady in a world of shifting allegiances. What happened yesterday, what happens today, and what takes place tomorrow are all small changes in the grand scheme of things, in which God does not change. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Praise God that though His people hurt, His love and healing is unchanging and is capable of mending all wounds.

May the Alpha and Omega, He who came before and will come after, be our comfort and peace today.

Time for a Halloween poll...

2008-10-31T10:45:00.002-04:00

I'm tired. It's been a long week. I went to a party last night, and have plans with people tomorrow night. If I stay in and watch the OC by myself on Halloween, does that make me a total loser?

The Vote
Go to a party
Go to the harvest festival only
Stay home and watch the OC

Ok, give me feedback.

Free

2008-10-30T10:01:00.002-04:00

I am at a point of surrender. My hands are up, my will is laid down. Not my desires, but yours, Lord.

I know God is in control, and it feels so good.