Wrestling

Calling...Purpose...Ministry...Jobs...Location...Heart for people...Specifics...

Those are some weighty concepts and ideas that I've been beginning to wrestle through. At this phase of my life, I recognize how discontent I am in what God has given me, and for that I am sorry. I want to be content in Christ alone, and then understand what my calling is as a believer and understand exactly what my purpose is at this exact moment in time. How can I be involved in ministry in the way the Lord would have me be? How do I reconcile my commitment to my job with my desire to actively be in ministry, two things which both require a large chunk of time? Do I just plug into every opportunity the Lord places in front of me? What role does passion for a specific group of people play? Should I wait for clear direction or purpose in how to minister? Why do I not seem to have the passion for a specific group of God's people, like I feel like I ought to?

God, I WANT to be on fire for you and I want to share you...I just don't know what that looks like. I want to be obedient to use the circumstances, gifts, and desires you have given me, but I also want to make sure I am doing it out of obedience to you and what you have for me, and not for any other reason. Lord, I seek you and your direction.

Umm....NO

I am notsomuch happy with the blog stats this morning.

It is not a good thing when people search for my name plus the word "lesbian." And then my blog pops up.

For the record, I have a MAN I love very much.

So searcher: If you come back and read through the blog again, please be aware that I am a strong supporter of God's design for a man and a woman to leave their parents and cleave to one another in a marriage that is a picture of the relationship between Christ and the church. That's how it should be, and that's what I am striving for.

K, thanks.

The trip to Maryville this weekend was wonderful.

Good food, good conversations, great weather, laughter and time spent with those I love. Who could ask for anything more? It was such a blessing to be able to spent time with Adrian AND my parents and friends.

Here are a few pictures to show you what we were up to!

At the Y with Adrian on a beautiful spring day!

Goofing around in Cades Cove - the area where the first settlers of East Tennessee lived.


Adrian got to meet my grandma for the first time. Cute group shot, no?


Me with two of my best friends from high school - Lauren and Nikki. Also, the two handsome fellas are Ben and Barkley :)

I'm all over the place...

1) I praise God that I am a work in progress and who I am now is not who I used to be, and who I will be in 5 years is not who I am now. I just pray that it is the Lord refining me and making me into who he desires for me to be, and nothing else.

2) Zeta - Beta Omega - Past and Present (#1)
Bay Leaf College and Singles
The office
JABLADJ
Everything Media at Southeastern
Cause I Know You

What are those random words, you may be asking? Only the SIX pools I am in for March Madness! I figure if I play my cards right, I'll do really well in at least one of them, right? Here's to hoping! I tried to diversify my winners in the brackets, but seriously? There's only so much fantasy one can take. The buck stops at my final four picks - At that point, I think the bets are fairly safe as to who has a chance to win and who.....doesn't. At all.

I'll let you know how it turns out :)

3) Home is where your heart is, right? It definitely will be this weekend! I am so excited to combine going home with the one my heart loves! Adrian and I are going to Maryville this weekend (his first time to visit) and I am pretty stinking excited. Lots of down-time (watching the tournament action) planned, along with some time with dear friends and some time spent in the lovely Smoky Mountains. God is so good, and he has blessed me so much!

Full

It's been a long time since I posted, I feel like. My life is full, which makes it difficult to not only keep up with the blog, but to know what exactly to write when I do feel like getting on here.

In addition to my life being full, my head seems to always be full, thus why it is difficult to get my thought together enough to blog. My thoughts churn around and around and it usually is only a very small window of peace that I have...Perhaps it because I seek peace in my circumstances, instead of the One who is peace?

Jesus said he would give us his peace: "My peace I give to you. My peace I leave with you." As the Holy Spirit fills us, we are filled with peace. And yet, too often I think I look for peace in improper ways. I search for it in people, in relationships, in circumstances, in sleep, in laughter, in creature comforts....in temporal things. While those things are not inherently bad, they cannot provide lasting peace. They will NEVER be able to gift me with the peace that passes all understanding. God alone can do that, but it is a gift.

When I pursue God, peace will follow. When I abide in the Holy Spirit, His fruits (including peace) will abound in my life. When I emulate Jesus, life won't give me peace (for his life was not peaceable, either, in the way we understand peace), but he found peace in God the Father in the midst of trials.

God - I don't ask for peace. I know it is a gift. I only ask for You, more of you every moment. I desire the strength to pursue You with all I have, knowing that as a perfect and loving Father, You will give me the gifts I need.