Just emotions, taking me over

I have gotten better over the last few years at recognizing when I am being irrational and over-reacting to things.

However, I am no better at talking myself out of those feelings or at getting them under control.

Confused? So am I.

This past week has been a bit of a roller coaster (although, Union friends, I recognize it has been NOTHING compared to what you guys have dealt with!!). Tuesday morning of last week I was told I was going to Union February 19/20 with Dr. Akin, Southeastern's president, on a recruiting trip. He would be speaking in chapel, and I would be hosting a luncheon and answering questions about SEBTS. All day Tuesday, I was SO excited to get to see my friends. Tuesday night, the tornado hit.

Not being closer and able to help my friends has been hard on me. I spent 4 (at least 3) years with a lot of those people, and here I am, living safe and sound with more material things than I have need for, and they have lost everything. I can't even go and help bag up stuff because I am so far away. Those were the girls I led as president of Zeta; those were the students I hosted in my dorm room when they were seniors in high school; those were the students I gave tours to when they visited campus; those were the baby freshmen I took under my wing during Focus. So many of those people impacted my life, and I have been really wishing I could be there to help them through this time of need.

Also, one of my close friends from high school got married on Friday. The wedding was beautiful and everything went off, pretty much, without a hitch. That experience brought with it its own set of emotions, as I began the mental preparations of "sending" my friends off to marry guys they haven't known nearly as long as I have known them....It's just weird. Don't get me wrong, it's a happy time too. I am so excited they have found "the one their hearts love" and are beginning a new life with them. It's a beautiful example of the relationship between Christ Jesus and the church. So, in that, I am really happy.

All in all though, it was a weird week. Add to those emotions the feelings that the people who you call friends don't care and it just makes the whole thing even odder. A couple of times this past week I have been really disappointed in the actions of my friends (or rather, lack of actions.)

I know those feelings of hurt are irrational, in comparison to the hurt Jesus suffered. He suffered on the cross, and I hurt him daily when I lose sight of the things which matter most to him - the lost world. Nevertheless, I got my feelings hurt, by expecting people to behave differently than the selfish and self-centered sinners that we all are. My frustration then resurfaces as I try to shake my feelings and can't.

Can't I just be content and satisfied in the precious relationship I have with the Lord? Why do I feel the need to supplement that relationship with human relationships, which will always let me down? I am ashamed that I say Jesus is enough for me, but I often don't truly feel that way and I certainly don't always live that way. I want to be so engrossed in Him that everything else is secondary to me....

Why is total reliance on Him so hard for me?