Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Helpful hints for men

Dear gentlemen:

It has come to my attention recently that perhaps you were raised on another planet where certain things are acceptable and even appreciated in how you deal with women. I am sorry to be the brunt of these customs, and sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but your outdated attempts at getting our attention don't serve your purpose very well. Hence, here are a few friendly reminders.

When you see a lady walk around the other side of your dump truck to avoid coming into your direct path while you weed-eat, please understand this is not an attempt to be coy. Even if she is wearing a nice dress, this is not an invitation to gawk. If said lady does not respond to the stares boring into her backside as she walks away, this should be a clue to resume your activities. Her obvious lack of interest can be determined by the fact she still has not glanced back at you, despite the fact that 5 of you have now shut off your machinery and there is dead silence. Furthermore, when silence reigns, this is not an opportune time to verbalize your thoughts. Especially not in the form of expletives you yell out as said lady passes.

Although you might like to use the excuse that Hispanic men do this with seemingly good results, you need to be aware that we are not in Mexico. While they may be given a slight bit of leeway for gawking at the tall, blond foreigner for novelty's sake, you, my dear sir, are neither Hispanic nor unaccustomed to seeing tall blonds.

Please take these thoughts to heart. Consider keeping your eyes to yourself and your mouth shut in the event of just such an event occurring again. Decent women will never throw their phone numbers at you if you continue to relate to them like you do a hot car. Trust me on this, ok?

Sincerely - Someone who cares


shaebe27 said...

OMG for real!! i get sick to me y stomach when that happens..this blog should be published world wide, esp in mexican newspapers published in america

Adam McCullough said...

I think your title needs to be renamed "helpful hints for childish post-teenage males" b/c that person DEFINITELY does NOT qualify as a MAN.

Julie said...

that is awesome lauren! I completely agree. now could you continue to write some more letters to the male gender? some men just need more guidance than others!

Brent Sherrod said...

I agree with Adam's comment. I do wish I could apologize for the misbehaviors of my own gender.